Goldilocks and the Tomato Sauce

Goldilocks is a little girl who loves pizza. One fine, summer day, she was making anchovy pizza for lunch when she ran out of tomato sauce. Goldilocks decided she would go to the Bear residence on Ocean Parkway to borrow some tomato sauce. Goldilocks often baby-sat little Baby Bear, and she did not think the Bear family would mind.
She rang the doorbell, but there was no one home. Since Goldilocks was good friends with the Bear family, she decided there would be no harm done if she just snuck in and retrieved some tomato sauce from the kitchen. After all, what are friends for?
Goldilocks went into the kitchen—to the kitchen, where the tomato sauce was, when something her eye—fresh oatmeal! This was Goldilocks’ favorite breakfast, rivaling only cold pizza that she made the night before. She knew Papa and Mama Bear both liked their oatmeal at extreme temperatures, hot and cold respectively, but Baby Bear’s was just perfect in every way.
After eating a whole bowl of oatmeal, Goldilocks got tired. After all, doesn’t hot milk make you tired? Thus, she went upstairs to the bedroom and took a nice late morning nap.
Goldilocks awoke to the angry growl of Papa Bear. They carted her off to court, and sued her for breaking and entering. The judge, Howard M. Taftson, was angry about the recent budget cut, and therefore not in the mood for a prolonged trial, and let Goldilocks off the hook. The Bear family forgave her, and she lived happily ever after.