Eppis Fun Gornisht

The Time Has Come...

2011-06-23T23:04:00.000-04:00

For this blog to be put down. It's lived a long and fruitful life, and has since fallen into disrepair and I haven't posted here for months. So I am laying this blog to rest and letting it fly free to the graveyard where abandoned blogs go to rest.

You can continue to follow my daring adventures on Twitter (@iamamiaim), and who knows? Maybe I'll make another blog someday. When I have time to say things that are longer than the 140-character Twitter limit.

So, goodbye to you all.

Parashat Ha'Shavuah: Shemini

2011-03-25T00:00:00.001-04:00

Time is of the Essence

Part of this week's parashah is dedicated to discussing the sin offerings that Aaron and B'nei Yisrael will bring. One of the korbanot to be sacrificed is a goat. Why was B'nei Yisrael required to offer this korban? Chazal explains that this korban parallels another event in B'nei Yisrael's history: the selling of Joseph by his brothers into slavery.

This seems like an odd time to remind B'nei Yisrael about an incident that occured years before. Why would God want to draw this connection now?

Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that, “To everything there is a season” and lists a number of different “times” to live, die, weep and dance. Yet one of these verses discusses something else: “A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together” (3:5).

Analyzing Joseph's brothers’ sin, we see they had “casted” away one of their stones, their own brother Joseph. Cruel as it may seem, this ultimately helped B'nei Yisrael: since he was sold into slavery in Egypt, Joseph and his family were saved from starvation. In comparison, B'nei Yisrael, in the desert, is a nation and not the eleven brothers that sold Joseph into slavery—now, they are a full-fledged nation. This nation saw the Tabernacle as a communal gathering place, where they gathered on Yom Tov and other holidays. As opposed to casting away stones, they are “collecting” their stones together, and become a community.

During the time of the Brothers, it was necessary to separate Joseph for the greater good of his family, now it is necessary for B'nei Yisrael to congregate and “gather” the individual stones to become part of a larger community.

The brothers needed to separate; B'nei Yisrael needed to come together.

Parashat Ha'Shavuah: Tzav

2011-03-18T00:00:00.000-04:00

Then and Now

It is commonly accepted that we read Parashat Zachor before Purim because Haman was a descendant of Amalek, and Zachor is the commandment upon B'nei Yisrael to “[N]ot forget” (Deuteronomy 25:19) what Amalek did to them. We are also charged with remembering what happened on Purim. Why do we need to remember both things? Additionally, it says in The Scroll of Esther that Haman was an Agagi, or a descendent of the Amaleki king Agag (who fought Saul in Samuel I). Why doesn't the Megillah expressly tell us the connection between Haman and Amalek, thereby not requiring us to read Zachor at all?

When we look at B'nei Yisrael in the desert (which is when the commandment of Zachor was given to them), they would have been what one might call a “fledgeling nation.” They relied on God for almost everything — food, shelter, and protection from their enemies and the harsh desert climate. In comparison, when we look at the Jews in Megillat Esther, they are a nation, albeit in exile. They are able to band together — as a nation — and fend off their enemies, and ultimately save themselves from annihilation.

Perhaps these two passages that we read on Purim are not meant to complement each other, but to be compared to one another. When we look at Zachor, we see a nation that is being given everything by God, and that seems to be one of the underlying themes of the last four books of the Torah: B'nei Yisrael's dependence on God. In comparison, we see that God's name is not mentioned once in the entire Megillah; the Jews were able to fend off their enemies without God's direct intervention. In the Megillah, there is no manna falling from the sky. Perhaps these passages show us the growing and maturation of the Jews as a nation that ultimately became what we are today.

Parashat Ha'Shavuah: Terumah

2011-02-02T23:28:00.000-05:00

Cedar Trees: Constant vs. Change

“And this is the offering which you shall take of them...

[R]ams' skins dyed red, and seal-skins, and cedar wood...”

Exodus 25:3,5

The Midrash notices something interesting about these verses, which discuss the types of gifts B'nei Yisrael brought to help build the Tabernacle: how is it possible that, in the desert, B'nei Yisrael could find cedar wood? Rashi, quoting the same Midrash, explains that when Jacob traveled to Egypt over 200 years earlier, he had the the forethought to plant these trees specifically to build the Tabernacle.

There is another patriarch who planted a tree: Abraham, who planted a tamarisk tree (an eishel, in Hebrew), also called a salt cedar tree, in the town of Beersheba (Genesis 21:33). What is the connection between Abraham's salt cedar tree and Jacob's cedar tree?

Rashi, on the word “tamarisk”, explains that there are three different opinions as to what Abraham intended to do with the tree. One opines that the tamarisk tree that Abraham planted was actually a whole orchard of trees, with the intention of using the fruits of these trees to serve guests. The other believes that the tree was actually an inn for visitors, while the third and final opinion is that the word eishel refers to housing, that Abraham “planted” his tent in Beersheba, which was open to all. All three of these explanations seem to refer to one of Abraham's distinguishing characteristics: his kindness to guests.

The explanations that Rashi offers are supported by science. Salt cedar trees are able to regrow after fires and floods, and are resistant to many herbicides and chemicals. They can survive at very high altitudes, at elevations of up to 5,400 feet. Because the salt cedar reproduces vegetatively, by creating saplings from existing trees' roots rather than from seeds, it is difficult to completely destroy. Perhaps this is the reason that Abraham specifically picked a tamarisk tree: it symbolizes resilience and the ability to withstand both nature and man. Since it would remain there for a long time; it makes sense that Abraham would pick a tamarisk as a way to symbolize his legacy.

While Abraham's tamarisk tree represents the ability to remain stalwart, Jacob's cedar trees symbolize almost the opposite: his trees were chopped down and used for the construction of the Tabernacle. While Abraham's tamarisk tree did not need to be changed to serve its purpose, Jacob's trees needed to be changed to fulfill their purpose.

Abraham lived knowing that his legacy — his tamarisk tree — would only be carried on only by one of his sons: Isaac. In comparison, Jacob knew that the legacy that he had taken his father would be carried on by all of his sons in turn. In order for his legacy to be established, Abraham had to make sure that it would remain constant, and, like a salt cedar, could grow directly from its roots. Two generations later, Jacob, whose entire family would remain Jewish, knew that his descendants did not need a constant, rather, they needed something that they could use to continue the work that Abraham had started.

Abraham needed to establish; Jacob needed to build.

Parashat Ha'Shavuah: Be'Shalach

2011-01-13T23:19:00.000-05:00

The Pen vs. The Sword

“The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is His name.”

Exodus 15:3

This verse, from the Song at the Sea, is one of the many verses in the Torah that describe God. However, the ending of the verse, “[T]he Lord is His name” seems peculiar. Why would it be placed next to a phrase, which depicts God's military strength?

Looking at the first part of the verse, “The Lord is a man of war,” we can see that this depicts God's military abilities, such as his ability to help B'nei Yisrael defeat Amalek (which occurs later in this week's parashah). Perhaps, then, the second part of the verse, “[T]he Lord is His name,” refers to a different way to fight an enemy: through God's “name”, or through words.

In his play Richelieu; Or the Conspiracy, English author Edward Bulwer-Lytton said that “The pen is mightier than the sword”. This refers to the fact that words can sometimes, be more powerful than war. Perhaps “The Lord is a man of war; the Lord is His name” speaks to God’s ability to differentiate between the “pen” and the “sword” and when it is best to use each case.

As humans, we granted free will. Every day, we are presented with situations in which we need to decide if the “[P]en mightier than the sword”. Although the correct response may be very clear to us, in other situations, it is not always that unambiguous.

Parashat Ha'Shavuah: Bo

2011-01-07T00:50:00.000-05:00

Carpe Diem

“And the Lord spoke to Moses and Aaron in the land of Egypt, saying:

'This shall be unto you the beginning of months, it shall be the first of the year to you.”

Exodus 12:2

One of the basic things that define a person as “free” is their ability to make their own schedules, and to be able to decide when to do something. In comparison, slaves are constantly expected to serve their masters, and therefore do not have the ability to have time to themselves. It seems ironic, then, that at B'nei Yisrael's liberating moment, their time is now being dictated by God. Why, then, would God give this commandment now?

Looking at B'nei Yisrael's journey through the desert, we can see that during their so-called “Freedom,” B'nei Yisrael actually spend a large amount of time complaining about their lives and rebelling against God. Since there is only a seven week gap between Passover, when B'nei Yisrael left Egypt, and Shavuot, (hence the Omer) when B'nei Yisrael first complained, they would probably have been only several weeks into their forty-year journey.

Looking at the concept of Rosh Chodesh, we see that it is the only holiday commanded to us in the Torah that is we celebrate today as an almost regular day. Although we have a special Torah portion that is read, the celebration of the new month is relatively easy. Despite this, however, we have only one day a month to celebrate it.

Although B'nei Yisrael are now “free,” even for a short seven-week period before Matan Torah, God is impressing upon them the importance of time and the ability to use time wisely. Many things in life, once lost, can be regained — broken items can be mended, lost money can be earned. In comparison, time is a commodity that can never be replaced. By giving B'nei Yisrael the holiday of Rosh Chodesh now, God is showing B'nei Yisrael is showing them that, as a free nation, they are now responsible for their time and they must use it wisely.

Isn't This Common Sense?

2010-06-30T22:45:00.000-04:00

On Thursday 6 June 2010, the Supreme Court ruled that an employee who sends personal messages or phone calls on a phone, pager, or computer issued by their employer runs the risk of being monitored. This is the result of a law suit brought by police officers from a police department in Ontario, California (isn't Ontario a province of Canada?) who sued the city for reading personal text messages -- some of which were sexually explicit.

Don't we know this already? Shouldn't phones etc. issued by a business be used solely for the business? I mean, the only job that I can think of that would need to sext (send sexually explicit messages, see A Teenager Could Have Figured This Out from 4/20/2010) is someone along the lines of a prostitute. Also, aren't all things issued by a company monitored? I don't have a job, and I know that. For God's sake, there is software out there specifically designed to monitor employee's computers and phones. Of course these people are going to get caught. (Also, if this police officer was married, then his logic for not being discovered for infidelity was totally backwards -- just saying.)

And how is this a violation of a person's rights? If you are using something issued to you by your employer, then you don't own it. How is screening a call / text message on a business phone an invasion of personal privacy? Second, shouldn't a business phone be used for, like, business only? Why didn't the police department to which these officers belong simply demand the phone / computer / pager back from the officers or dismiss them? This should never have come as far as the US Supreme Court having to announce this for America, and this should never have gone to court in Canada.

I'm currently in school. If I use the school's Wi-Fi or a school computer, I don't go using the internet in ways that would make me look bad or disobey rules. I don't send IMs on these school computers. I barely check my Facebook on said computers. If I want to do that (but who still uses an instant messenger anyway?), I do it at home.

You can also see that I'm not alone in my opinion: the Supreme Court voted unanimously that companies are allowed to monitor activity on employer-issued devices.

So, just to conclude:

This is just common sense.
People shouldn't use their business phones for cheating on their wives.
Companies have the right to monitor phone and internet activity on employer-issued devices.
Who let this case get so far?

Gilad Shalit

2010-06-25T09:57:00.000-04:00

Today, June 25th, marks the fourth year that Gilad Shalit has been held captive by Hamas. Throughout these years, Gilad was not given any visitation rights, even by the International Red Cross -- the most recent of these refusals was this Tuesday. His sole form of communication has been a recorded video message released last fall.

In addition, Hamas is using Gilad as a bargaining chip for the release of 1,000 Palestinian militants. Earlier this year, Hamas released an animated video with the intention of terrorizing the Israeli government and Gilad's family.

I normally don't make appeals on my blog, but I think that if I had to chose to do it for one cause, this would be it. So today, please just keep him in your thoughts today.

Israel MUST Stop...

2010-06-18T15:49:00.002-04:00

...giving in to public demands. This is insanity. First of all, Israel has every right to defend itself. The Gaza Strip is home headquarters for Hamas. This militant organization has vowed to destory Israel and restore Palestine. Israel, under the ruling of a completely legitimate vote by the United Nations in 1948, has every right to exist and to defend itself. Since the Gaza Strip is still Israeli territory, it has control over it. Besides, any country has the power to impose and embargo / blockade on another country to prevent import or export of certain objects that can be considered hazardous. (Didn't the US impose an embargo on Iraq a while ago? Didn't a bunch of countries impose an embargo on Iran last month?)

But what if this was happening on American soil? Or British soil? Would everyone be so uptight about the blockade and would the supposed "raid" (remember, these soldiers came on armed, but their guns were not drawn, and they had to wait for permission from superiors before opening fire. This permission was given after the activists started impaling and throwing the soldiers overboard.) be so unethical, immoral, evil, etc.? Hamas has even admitted to the press that there is no shortage of food and relief supplies. These people are all facing poverty on their own free will. They want to be poor.

Now, I perfectly understand why Turkey is all upset -- after all, it was their ships that were boarded. But when Reuters admitted to doctoring an image to remove the knife on an Arab pro-Palestinian activist? That's pushing it. The point is here, people, that Israel had every right to defend itself. It should continue defending itself.

Moreover, it should not give in to all of the pressure by Europe and everywhere else and loosen the blockade. So now, Israel, I'm talking to you: do NOT loosen up the blockade. Keep it up.

Parashat HaShavua: Beha'alotcha

2010-05-28T08:36:00.000-04:00

The Candelabrum: Our Ultimate Goals

“And God spoke to Moses, saying: Speak to Aaron, saying to him: when you light the candles atop the candelabrum, these candles shall give light.”

Numbers 8:1-2

These two verses, which open parashat Beha'alotcha, discuss the commandment for Aaron (and ultimately his sons) to clean and light the candelabrum every morning. We are told that there are several steps leading up to the candelabrum. Chazal tell us that each stair has greater holiness than the previous. In addition, while Aaron was the only priest to light the candelabrum during his lifetime, it was generally not part of the High Priest's responsibilities and was a task assigned to a regular priest. If the candelabrum was such an important vessel, why was the job of cleaning and lighting it every morning delegated to just a normal preist?

I think that the candelabrum symbolizes human struggle and achievement. With each step we take, we move higher and higher, closer and closer, to realizing our goal, our own personal “candelabrum.” Our “candelabra” can be anything from passing a course to getting into a desired college to getting the summer job that we want so much. I also think that the fact that a regular priest — not just the High Priest — could clean and light the candelabrum in the Tabernacle and in the Holy Temple shows that we all have the ability to achieve our goals.

In addition, we extend this comparison to B'nei Yisrael as a community. Similar to us as individuals, we, the B'nei Yisrael, are working toward a communal goal. This “candelabrum” is to ultimately leave the Diaspora when the Messiah arrives and rebuild the Holy Temple, when the candelabrum itself will be rebuilt — both a physical and a metaphorical realization of our goal. With each step that B'nei Yisrael take as a community to end the Diaspora, we are working toward the goal of rebuilding the Holy Temple and restoring its vessels, the highest level of holiness and the highest possible step. Each step, however small, still makes us holier as a community. The first of these steps took place not to long ago, in 1948, when the State of Israel was brought into existence, marking the first step taken towards reaching our goal: the Jewish dream, that, one day, the Holy Temple will be rebuilt, not by the hands of an elite few, but by ordinary Jews, and the the candelabrum be lit once again by a “normal” priest. This candelabrum will illuminate the world with its light, Chazal tell us, because the windows of the Holy Temple will be wider on the outside than the inside to let as much light from the candelabrum out and light up the world.

Parashat HaShavua: Emor

2010-04-30T11:38:00.000-04:00

The Happy Medium

And you shall take for yourself on the first day the fruit of beautiful trees, branches of palm-trees, and branches of thick trees, and willows of the brook, and you shall rejoice before Hashem, your God, seven days.”

Leviticus 23:40

In Parashat Emor, the different Jewish holidays are enumerated and discussed. Among them, we see the holiday of Sukkot, in whose context the Torah discusses the Four Species the etrog (“Fruit of a beautiful tree”), lulav (“Branches of palm-trees”), aravot (“Branches of thick trees), and the hadassim (“Willows of the brook”). Two of the Four Species species symbolize two different parts of a person's life: the etrog represents this world and the lulav represents the “World to Come”. The hadassim and the aravot, though, represent two different humanistic traits: the hadassim are plain, and are there to remind us to refrain from materialism, and the aravot symbolize humility. Looking at the hadassim, though, a contradiction arises. Were we not commanded to “...be fruitful and multiply and populate the land and conquer it,” (Genesis 1:28) meaning that we, as human beings, should fully indulge ourselves and take advantage of what the world has to offer. In addition, when looking at what the aravot symbolize, we are told that humans were created “...in His own image, in the image of God that created him,” (Genesis 1:27). Why should we not be proud of this fact? After all, we are the only species on earth to be created in God's image!

Looking at the symbolism of the hadassim and the commandment “and conquer it,” we see that they represent a circumstance at one end of a spectrum — either we refrain from all worldly pleasures and never “conquer” the world, or we do the opposite; we “conquer” the world and completely forget to refrain from going overboard. The same applies to the concept of humility and publicly flaunting the fact that we were made in God's image. In both instances, we are presented with rather extreme choices.

Although the hadassim and the aravot, self-restraint and humility, are directly connected to the lulav, or the “World to Come”, they are accompanied by the etrog, which symbolizes this world, and is the brightest of the Four Species, with most pungent smell and taste of all the species. Although self-restraint and humility are required to be a part of the “World to Come”, we must still be able to enjoy some of what this world has to offer, from the color to the taste to the smell. Despite this, we must exhibit self-control.

God has given us free will, He wants us to find the the balance between the two to “Fill up the land and conquer it,” while at the same time, to know when certain pleasures may be considered “too much.” While we were made in God's image, we still must be able to act with humility. Achieving this balance depends on us as individuals. This point of equilibrium may not be a clear 50/50 cut, as some might think. The choice as to where to put this barrier between too much and too little is ours — no one can make this decision for us.

Parashat HaShavua: Acharei Mot-Kedoshim

2010-04-23T00:01:00.004-04:00

On Being an "Insider"

“And you shall say unto them: any man from the house of Israel, or from the strangers that sojourn among them, that shall offer a burnt-offering or a sacrifice, and he did not bring it to the door of the Tent of Meeting, to sacrifice it to God — that man shall be cut off from his people.”

(Leviticus 17:8, 9)

These verses contain the commandment that B'nei Yisrael are forbidden to bring a sacrifice outside of the “Tent of Meeting,” or the Tabernacle. The punishment for this transgression is karet. Why would bringing a sacrifice brought outside of the Tabernacle be forbidden? One might say that, perhaps, the Tabernacle is the only place holy enough for sacrifices. One might even argue that personal sacrifices, such as the olah and shelamim, should be brought from one's own house, and not from a communal gathering place, as this might even add a more personal aspect. To help answer this question, consider the following parable:

There was once a king who owned a magnificent palace. Whenever his friends, the nobles, would come to visit, he would invite them into his personal chambers, where they would sit and dine. Other citizens of the kingdom were not allowed to enter these chambers, rather, if they requested an audience with the king, they would have to meet with the king in a public chamber of the palace. One day, a poor beggar approached the palace in the hopes that the person who lived there might be able to give him some money or food. When he approached the gates to the palace, he demanded to speak to the king. One of the sentries that were standing guard over the palace gates ran off to tell the king that a beggar was outside and had requested an audience with him. Instead of inviting the beggar into the public chambers of the palace, however, the king got up off his throne and personally went outside to give the beggar money. Some of the king's servants remarked that the king seemed to have shown more respect to a lowly beggar than he did to his own friends, since the king left his throne to give the beggar money, whereas even the nobles were required to walk through the palace to speak with the king. The king explained that he did not want the filthy beggar to enter the palace, lest he make the palace dirty, whereas the king's friends, the nobles, were clean and dignified, and thus were allowed to enter the palace.

B'nei Yisrael could be compared to the king's nobles. They were personally invited to enter the king's palace — the Tabernacle — in order to bring sacrifices. This was because B'nei Yisrael, at this point, were very close to God, and they were holy, or “dignified.” They had Moses as their leader, who spoke to God face-to-face, not like other prophets, who would receive a prophecy through a dream, riddle, or parable. This generation of B'nei Yisrael had a direct relationship with God, which was why they were not only allowed, but were required to bring sacrifices in the Tabernacle and later in the Holy Temple, God's palace. B'nei Yisrael's camp and, later, the land of Israel, can be compared to the “public chambers” of the king's palace.

We no longer have the Holy Temple or the Tabernacle to bring sacrifices; we are no longer God's “nobles,” who were able to enter the innermost chambers of the palace. Yet, we are also not the beggar, who is not even allowed to enter the palace. (The fact that he is not allowed to enter the palace is an insult to the beggar.) Instead, we are the middle ground — the general public who, while allowed to enter the “palace,” or Eretz Yisrael, although we are not allowed to bring sacrifices. This past Wednesday, we celebrated Yom Ha'aztmaut, marking the anniversary of being able to, finally, re-enter the “public chambers” of the king's palace, or Israel. It is the Jewish dream to, one day, be able to bring personal sacrifices to God in his “innermost chamber,” a privilege not given to any other nation, and we will be able to rebuild the personal relationship with God that we once had.

A Teenager Could Have Figured This Out

2010-04-20T21:56:00.004-04:00

A recent study was conducted by the Pew Internet and American Life Project and the University of Michigan's Department of Communication Studies shows that teens are very attached to their cellphones. They have also embraced text messaging ("texting") as a regular form of communication. While teens love this, parents and schools do not.

Um...please don't accuse me of over-analyzing this. But, let's see: texting is a perfect way to send short, blunt messages under your desk / dinner table with only a few muscles being moved. Slowly, it seems, texting is taking the place of calling, which is much more obvious to a parent / teacher, since the phone is stuck to your ear -- much more conspicuous. So, let's see: kids love it because they can get away with it, and teachers and parents hate it because their kids get away with breaking school rules, and doing so in a very unnoticeable manner.

Wow, this really is intuitive. Moreover, the survey also says more than 75% of the 800 teens, ages 12 through 17, own a cellphone. More than half of those who own a cellphone admitted to texting during school or other times when using a cellphone for its primary use -- calling -- would normally be prohibited. In addition, the survey also found that teenagers who pay for their own cellphone bills are more likely to "sext" (sending sexy text messages; use your imagination here) than teens who either have their parents pay the phone bill or pay a fraction of it.

Again, this seems obvious: does one really want their parents knowing who they are texting or what the text messages contain if they are sending messages or pictures that are sexually explicit?

This next bit of information is also not surprising: teenage girls are more likely to have their cellphones monitored than teenage boys, although the younger the age, the more parents say they use features such as GPS, by calling to check in, or via a teen's favored method of communication, through text messages. (What I'm writing here is that texting may actually have a potential use for parents.)

Let me just quickly summarize what this survey has proven:

teenagers love being able to be constantly connected with their friends
parents and teachers hate it when kids break the rules
teenagers love breaking rules and getting away with it
teenagers are less likely to break rules when their parents know what they are doing

So, all in all, this survey just proved, once again, what we already knew.

Parashat HaShavua: Tazria-Metzorah

2010-04-16T00:01:00.000-04:00

Three Worlds

This week's parashah begins with the laws of birth and circumcision. Rabbi Bechaye, who lived in 11th century Spain and wrote the book Duties of the Heart, says that a person's life can be divided into three main worlds: the pregnancy, in which the embryo is not yet born, its life in the actual world as a human being, and its death, when the soul returns to Heaven. While these three worlds seem like an obvious way to divide one's life, these “worlds” are symbolic for B'nei Yisrael's life as a nation and how their relationship with God changes throughout the course of their life.

Looking at the first stage, when the embryo is developing, we see a striking resemblance to how B'nei Yisrael are connecting with God in the desert. While the embryo is developing, Chazal tell us (Nedarim 30b) that an angel is sent to teach the embryo every halakhah to the developing embryo. The embryo is also the Garden of Eden, and the embryo is promised that it will ultimately be admitted to the Garden of Eden if it leads a righteous. Looking at B'nei Yisrael in the desert, we see that this is exactly what God, through Moses is trying to do. Moses, especially in the Book of Leviticus, is giving B'nei Yisrael all of the commandments, promising them that, if they are righteous, they will continue to remain close to God — in other words, to enter the Garden of Eden, a land of paradise, just like Israel, which is a land “...flowing with milk and honey,” (Exodus 33:3), and a land in which “...you shall not lack anything in it, a land whose stones are iron and from whose hill you may mine brass” (Deuteronomy 8:9). Although it is hard to compare the two, both the Garden of Eden and Israel are places where B'nei Yisrael are close to God.

Looking at Rabbi Bechaye's second world, we see another parallel in Jewish history. After Moses's death in the Book of Deuteronomy, the Book of Joshua picks up immediately after Moses was mourned, Rashi comments on the words “Moses my servant has died,” (Joshua 1:2) saying that after Moses's death, 3000 laws were lost and never recovered. Just like a baby that is now beginning to meet the world on its own terms, so too are B'nei Yisrael entering a new world and trying survive without a direct connection to God. The angel, who is in charge of teaching an embryo Halakhah, must then erase everything that the embryo has learned before it enters the real world. (We see a number of parallels between this angel and Moses, namely, both were charged with educating B'nei Yisrael.) They no longer have Moses as a spiritual leader with a direct connection to God to immediately answer their questions, rather, they must enter the land and be able to fight their own battles and learn by themselves, without a mentor — Moses or the angel Gabriel — to guide them.

The third world, Rabbi Bechaye writes, is when the human dies and returns to Heaven. While this too has a parallel in Judaism, it does not correspond to an event that has occurred in history. This world represents the coming of the Messiah. While the previous two worlds are relatively short, this world is eternal. It is also when everything will be revealed, when the 3,000 laws as well as countless other works on Jewish law and philosophy, and we will, once again, have a direct connection to God.

Jewish Holiday: Passover

2010-03-26T16:53:00.002-04:00

One Step at a Time

“...and I will bring you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians, and I will deliver you from their bondage, and I will redeem you with an outstretched arm, and with great judgments; and I will take you to Me for a people, and I will be to you a God; and you shall know that I am the Hashem your God, who brought you out from under the burdens of the Egyptians.”

(Exodus 6:6,7)

These two verses contain the four expressions of liberation that we read every year in the Haggadah: “and I will bring you out,” “and I will deliver you,” “and I will redeem you,” and the final expression, “and I will take you.” In these verses, God promises to take us out of Egypt, to bring salvation to us from slavery, to redeem us, and to then take us as a nation. Why, however, did God need to give us four expressions of liberation? Why would he not just give us one, such as the last one? Moreover, another question arises. We are told that there is a fifth expression, “and I will have brought you.” Why is this expression not included here? To help answer these questions, consider the following parable:

There was once a child who was rebellious and wanted to stake his own path in life. He would deliberately disobey his parents' orders and, instead of going to school or doing work, the little boy would run out in the fields. His parents often caught him, after which they would scold and punish him. One day, the child had enough and decided to run away from home so that he could be “free”. The boy, however, did not know how to survive alone in the world, and soon began to starve. Nervous that he would die, he ran back home to his parents, where he was accepted with open arms.

At this stage in their lives as a nation, B'nei Yisrael could be compared to this little boy. They were skeptical about the plagues that Moses promised God would bring them. In addition, where B'nei Yisrael to be taken out of enslavement to the Egyptians, and then subsequently giving them all 613 commandments would only make B'nei Yisrael would want immediately to return to Egypt. (This is also a reason for why there is a seven week gap between B'nei Yisrael's leaving Egypt and the giving of the Ten Commandments.) To make the transition easier for B'nei Yisrael, God gave brought them salvation in four separate steps, the first of which, of course, having B'nei Yisrael taken out of Egypt: “and I will bring you.” At this point in their lives as a nation, B'nei Yisrael were completely freed, both spiritually and physically.

As time progressed between the leaving of Egypt and the giving of the Ten Commandments, God slowly implemented the other three expressions of liberation. during these seven following weeks. The second expression, “and I will deliver you,” occurred when at the splitting of the Red Sea. Up until that point, B'nei Yisrael were still in Egyptian territory. They constantly feared that the Pharaoh would change his mind, and that he would chase after B'nei Yisrael and force them to return to slavery in Egypt. As we all know, their fears were soon realized at the Red Sea, when the Egyptians did indeed chase after B'nei Yisrael. After the splitting of the Red Sea and the Egyptians drowning, God had “delivered” B'nei Yisrael safely into the wilderness, where there was no fear whatsoever of the Egyptians. Also, at this point, B'nei Yisrael were starting to re-believe in God, and a new type of relationship was developing between God and B'nei Yisrael: they were beginning to trust in God, which in turn led to God enacting the third expression: “and I will redeem you.”

The third expression, “and I will redeem you,” occurred soon after the splitting of the Red Sea. After the splitting of the Red Sea, B'nei Yisrael were soon stricken by famine and thirst, and during this time, B'nei Yisrael were began to lose faith in God. After the battle against Amalek, however, when B'nei Yisrael saw Moses' hands raised, their faith was not only replenished, but they became even more faithful in God. As a result of B'nei Yisrael's growing faith in God, and He responded by bringing them closer to Him. This, of course, laid the groundwork for the last of the four expressions mentioned by God, “and I will take you.”

The final expression of liberation mentioned in these verses happened over a longer period of time than the other three. The other three happened as a result of one occurrence, whereas the last expression took place between the battle against Amalek and the giving of the Ten Commandments. After this, B'nei Yisrael's and God's relationship continued to grow, until finally, at Matan Torah, the final expression of liberation was fulfilled in its entirety. At this point, B'nei Yisrael were a unified nation, and they were able to carry the responsibilities of Judaism and all of the obligations that it entails.

The fifth expression, which is not mentioned in the pessukim, is “and I will have brought you.” Why was this final expression not mentioned in the pessukim? The Midrash says that this final expression depicts God bringing B'nei Yisrael into Israel — this generation would sin with the spies two years later, and thus would be punished by not being able to enter Israel, so this would not be included with the expression of liberation mentioned in the Torah, since God would not fulfill this promise to this specific generation of B'nei Yisrael. There is, however, a second answer. The expression “I will have brought you” is not in the present tense, like the other expressions — it is in the future tense. The other four expression are the results of actions that happened in the past, of something finished and completed. This last expression, however, is a promise that has not yet been fulfilled. It is still waiting to be completed. The expression, “and I will have brought you,” we are told, will not be fulfilled until the Messiah arrives.

Parashat HaShavua: Ki Tisa

2010-03-05T00:01:00.001-05:00

Bezalel's Sincerity

“And God spoke to Moses, saying: 'See, I have called by name Bezalel, son of Uri, son of Hur, of the tribe of Judah.'”

(Exodus, 31:1,2)

These two verses depict God choosing Bezalel to be the architect of the Tabernacle. It would be he, with the help of Oholiav, who would ultimately construct the Tabernacle. The Midrash says that Bezalel and Oholiav were teenagers at the time of the constructing of the Tabernacle — Bezalel was thirteen years old, and although the Midrash does not give a specific age for Oholiav, we are told that he was also around twelve or thirteen years old as well. Many people question this Midrash: why would God have two teenagers be architects of the Tabernacle? Perhaps someone older, with more life experience, would be able to do a better job of being architect.

The generation before Bezalel and Oholiav was the generation that was enslaved in Egypt. They were forced to work with no pay whatsoever. If God had asked someone from that generation to be the architect of the Tabernacle, he or she would do it because they were constantly afraid of punishment. (In Egypt, if you did not obey the Egyptians, then they would punish you. Because of this, the generation of B'nei Yisrael that were enslaved would do it because they thought they were being forced to.) Bezalel's generation, however, was not familiar with this type of lifestyle — this story took place after the giving of the Ten Commandments, which was two years after B'nei Yisrael left Egypt. If Bezalel was thirteen now, then he was only eleven years old when he left Egypt; he was still a child and did not really know about the hardships that B'nei Yisrael were facing at the time. Since Bezalel and Oholiav were not yet enslaved, they did not have the same slave mentality as the previous generation.

Rather, Bezalel and Oholiav belonged to the generation that witnessed only miracle after miracle that God performed for B'nei Yisrael, and it would be this generation that would ultimately enter Israel forty years later. This generation was extraordinary in other ways, too. In the beginning of the book of Deuteronomy, Moses rebukes B'nei Yisrael for sins such as the golden calf (which also takes place in this week's parashah) and the sin concerning the spies (which would take place in the book of Numbers), and this generation did not partake, in any way, with either of these sins. Despite this, however, the Midrash says that their generation did not say a word in response, and took the rebuke to heart, even though they had no part in these sins.

Bezalel and Oholiav were a perfect example of what their generation stood for. They obeyed unconditionally, not out of fear, but out of want to do the right thing. God wanted someone who would be able to design the Tabernacle out of love for doing the right thing; he did not want someone who would do it half-heartedly and would do it to get over with.

Bezalel and Oholiav were not tainted by. slavery, unlike the previous generation. They were not cynical and jaded, and were able to bear the weight of the “yoke” of the 613 commandments sincerely and enthusiasm, unlike the previous generation that still maintained the slave mentality of obeying a command to simply avoid punishment. It was because of this that Bezalel and Oholiav were able to merit being the architects of the Tabernacle. These same characteristics were shared across their generation, which would be the reason that this generation, and not the previous one, would be able to enter Israel.

This is Disgusting

2010-02-21T10:24:00.000-05:00

This was a full-page advertisement that I saw and took a picture of:

This advertisement reads: It's 8:00 AM. Do you know where your wife is? Life is short. Have an affair.
Okay, so. First, do husbands really need another excuse to cheat on their wives? This is probably even worse than the Jewish adultery site, which has been shut down. Is there some revolution that's going on that I don't know about? In the wise words of Ronald Regan, "Marriage should be something between a man and his wife."

A Random Rant That Needs To Be Heard

2010-02-01T18:57:00.005-05:00

Recently, some schools in the Jewish community of Five Towns has announced that, from now on, boys and girls will have separate winter vacations. The reason they give is because some teenagers went on vacation to Florida and did something "inappropriate." (This, however, can also be defined as "talking in public," but people have this knack for blowing these things out of proportion.) So, aside from the stupidity that these schools have vacation the during the last week or so of January, and do not give New Year's--a perfectly secular holiday--off. Here are some other things wrong that I find wrong with it:

First of all, from now on, there cannot be family vacations, since the boys will have off one week, and the girls, another. Whatever happened to Florida now?
Second of all, when you tell someone that they cannot have something, then they only want it more. For example: if a little kid wants an iPod really badly, and the parents tell him/her that he/she can have only when he/she is older, then that child will only want that iPod even more, to the point of total obsession. Just limiting teenage boys and girls from interacting will only make them want it more, and will do more behind their parents' backs. (Another perfect example is the Prohibition, which was repealed because it only caused people to import alcohol illegally.) If parents keep on neglecting to tell their children (at a respectable age, of course) about sex, etc., and just ignoring the topic, then they are sending out the message that they do not care about it.
Third of all, there is always one boy and one girl who have to go upstate to "visit" their Aunt Shpilky because "the city life is not for me."
Fourth, you have both teenage boys and girls who go upstate in the summer to "help" poor mother with their children. At night, however, they are free to roam around and do all of the inappropriate stuff they can find, which includes, yes, sex. If you're going to limit everyone during the school year, then at least be complete and enforce the same thing during the summer as well!
Fifth, it is the parents' job to make sure that their children do the right thing, not the schools'. If it comes to the schools enforcing this, then the parents are obviously not doing their jobs.
Sixth, this whole case could easily have been blown out of proportion, from, say, talking in public (which I mentioned earlier). If this is the case, then the parents, who see nothing wrong with this, should not be sending their children to a school where this is so strictly looked down upon. A school--especially a religiously-affiliated school--should reflect the parents' views and the views that they want their children to be exposed to. If the parents' and the schools' views differ, then their children should not be attending that school!

Thank you for letting me rant. As always, your comments are appreciated!

P.S. I'm sorry about not being able to update Eppis Fun Gornisht. Between finals and everything, it's been pretty hard. However, you can always follow me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/iamamiaim . Since I'm so limited there, I usually talk about random things that are too short to merit a blog entry. Again, sorry! I am going to try to update it more frequently!

Editors' Recap of 2009

2009-12-31T11:59:00.005-05:00

Dear Wonderful and Esteemed Readers:

As you know, this year is almost over, and it's time for our Editors' Recap. And it's time for us to look back in this year, and see what exactly happened throughout this year and talk about the things that bugged us and tickled us, tech and non-tech. So here it goes:

Obama is inaugurated: and damn, we were expecting our crises to end, and bring salvation from all corners of the Earth, and that leads us to number two on our list.
Obama is an epic fail: and as soon as we inaugurated, we realized that he isn't the Messiah after all. Bummer.
We all came to a similar conclusion about the iPhone 3GS: it also sucks.
The Palm Pre came out, made us gawk, and then we all left it alone.
People acknowledged that Zune actually exists.
Windows 7 came out and saved us from the Hell known as Vista

So to all of our readers, have a happy and wonderful new year, filled with many great things!

Sincerely,
Eppis Fun Gornisht

The FCC Finally Cracks Down Hard on us Bloggers

2009-10-11T20:10:00.004-04:00

So yeah, now the FCC (Federal Communications Commission) is mandating that all bloggers, when endorsing a product or service and is paid to do so must clearly state it on his/her blog.

Of course, this is only common sense. Why would you want to lie to your readers? If you disclose that you were paid to endorse a product, people will completely take your review in a different way. You also have to disclose if the product is free. Again, common sense. So now, the FCC is actually making us tell the truth and not lie to our readers. Tyranny! My freedom of lying is ruined!

So now, let's take a step back and remember, as bloggers, we have the responsibility to tell the truth. The truth that I am paid to say and the truth that I am not have completely different meanings. Without payment, my review is unadulterated and completely mine -- not like a paid review, where one would feel pressured to say only positive (or negative) things about the product or service because you want the money.

Just so you all know: the FCC, is no way, shape, or form, asked or paid me to endorse or review this.

Obama's Newest Sales Pitch

2009-09-03T18:44:00.004-04:00

I was just watching the news, where they discussed Obama's speech that he will deliver next Tuesday (8 September 2009) that will be aimed primarily at students about their goals.

And now, I ask you, why are people do outraged about this? This stupidity that Obama is going to turn us unto little liberals that will transform the government? For God's sake, people, it's our choice who to support in elections, what political views to take, and so on? Obama is going to speak about goals, in life, similar to when Bush Sr. lectured about drugs. This speech is going to be about tolerance, and not vilifying the other view for being different.

Anyway, it's still going to be the same speech parents give to their kids: set goals for yourself, yadda yadda yadda. All of the kids -- especially teens -- who read my blog, you all know this talk, and for that all of the parents who read my blog, this is standard issue that you rant about to your kids.

Now, let's all calm down and take a nice step back. We can all emanate from Springfield's example, and give your kids (remember, we're the prime target of the speech) the option of listening to the speech. Chances are, if your kid is mature enough to care about politics and the like, they're mature enough to make the choice of watching the speech, and if they did watch the speech, then the maturity to agree or disagree with what Obama said. Calm down here, people. If this is another sales pitch where the main theme is, "anyone can become president", then it will just be like any other president who said the same thing.

A Beautiful Irony

2009-08-29T21:01:00.005-04:00

I have a simple irony that is occuring right now in the ultra-orthodox European community in Brooklyn. In Europe, the Jews were forced in to ghettos, where they were severely and inhumanely cramped together, deprived of food and shut off from the outside world. They come to America, the "Land of Opportunity", and ghettoize once again to the point that on some streets in Borough Park, it is nearly impossible to drive through.

That's not to say, of course, that sticking together isn't a good thing. Over time, the Jewish people as a whole have learned not to expect sympathy or care from outside nations. They come, however, to a country where no one is persecuted for being affiliated to a certain religion or belief, and simply regroup into the tiny, cramped buildings that so closely resemble the ghettos that they hated so much back in the Old World. One would think that it would not be necessary to stick so closely together, to spread apart a little.

Perhaps this is an attempt to shut off the outside world, which is advancing technologically. Living so closely together, resembling how they once lived in Europe, these Jews feel more comfortable wearing the same clothes that they have been wearing since 1200 CE, practicing the same customs. Since these Jews have stuck together for so long, being so involved in a way of life that demands so much devotion, a ghetto-like environment may help them focus on the way of life they hold so dear.

However, what's to say that technology clashes with religion? There are many ways that technology could be adapted to help people. For example, Judaism dictates that we read from a Torah scroll made out of parchment and handwritten. There are scribes, however, who have adapted certain computers and scanners to scan the scroll to detect mistakes. This is just one way in which technology can complement Judaism.

We live our lives in fear of change and adaptation. The key, speaking from the point of a Modern Orthodox Jew, who believes that modern technology and Jewish life complement each other, is to find that balance, but not to shut one side of the equation out. This balance, though, may not be 50/50. It should depend solely on you: how much of one side you are willing to let integrate into your lifestyle, while at the same time not shutting out the other side of the equation.

If Microsoft Didn't Exist

2009-08-23T09:15:00.003-04:00

If Microsoft didn't exist, then...

Would Macs be cheaper? Hell no!
Would someone else make a Zune? And in answer to that: people actually own Zunes?
Would Google have created an OS earlier on? Probably
Would Linux be more popular? Um...Yes
Would schools then mandate computer programming classes for Linux? Yeah...
Would Linux be more accessible and user-friendly? One would hope so
Would Bill Gates be famous for some other reason? Probably not
Would the world be better off? That's debateable

Google Chrome OS: What it Must Have

2009-08-21T10:15:00.004-04:00

As you all probably know, the Google Chrome OS is going to be open-sourced later this year. The OS is said to be lightweight and is meant to for use with web applications, not downloaded applications like computers have today.

I'm sorry, let me correct myself. When I said "Web applications", I meant "Google web applications", such as Google Docs, Gmail, and just about every other Google service available. (For a full list, click here.) Because, you see, Google is now doing what Microsoft and Apple have both done to Windows and Mac respectively, especially Mac. They are building an OS specifically for their own software. Welcome to the party, Google.

In light of the OS rumored to be open-sourced around September, I compiled a list of things that Google Chrome OS must have for it to be successful:

The accessibility and ease of use that Windows offers
The nice looks of Mac OS
A low price (cough Apple cough)
The open-source software development that only the Linux community can offer, and
A significant reason that I would choose this over Microsoft, which I am currently using.

Good luck, Google. You'll need it.

Meow

2009-07-21T20:25:00.006-04:00

Recently we found another litter of kittens born under our deck, seeking shelter under our bikes. (Previously, we have had a litter of kittens born under our deck and another litter born inside of our compost bin.) We have tons of stray cats, but these were by far the cutest.

It just happened that by coincidence that there was kitten food on sale at CVS, so my mother bought as much as possible with the coupons that she had. We now have a mother cat and three kittens that come up on our backyard deck and sit expectantly by the door every morning and wait for food. (The downside, though, is that these are stray cats, and thus they go hunting. I recently found some spoiled meat on my deck. Ew.)

This gets better, though. The kittens have become so comfortable with us that when we go to get food from the kitchen (which is at the other end of the house), the kittens will come in the house and just walk around. That is, until they see the familiar aluminum tray with their breakfast in it, when they run back out onto the deck and then almost literally jump over your arm to get to the food, while the mother just sits there with this look in her eyes that says, "That's right, you just put it down. Now back off."

Here are some pictures:

Star Wars and Judaism

2009-07-15T18:25:00.002-04:00

Yesterday I watched Star Wars Episode III (the last one to come out some two years ago), and had a very interesting discussion with my brother about some of the different themes that emerge from the saga in general, but specifically from this episode. Here, I think, is among the most prominent theme that was brought up:

If you look at the Jedi, they seem to resemble people that belong to a religion. They imposed certain rules, i.e. not to have emotional relationships "for the greater good" -- supposedly to keep Jedi away from the ways of the Sith. If you look at the what Darth Sidius/Chancellor Palpatine says that the Force should be accessible in its entirety to those who want it. In short, he believes that limitations only hurt you in the long run.

I just found this interesting. By the way, is George Lukas an atheist?

Something Interesting I Want to Share

2009-06-15T22:42:00.004-04:00

This past Wednesday, June 10, 2009, was my eighth grade graduation, where I "graduated with honors". This same day, 28 years ago, June 10, 1981, my mother and her younger brother, her parents, and her grandmother arrived at JFK International Airport from Russia. I just briefly want to recap a little on their -- in my humble opinion -- quite amazing story.

In communist Russia, of course, there were spies everywhere. Your maid or employer. Your next door neighbor. You get my drift. Though my mother's family was not particularly observant, the simple fact that you were Jewish was enough to have you thrown in jail. Naturally, my grandparents wanted to leave. This was no simple task, though. Living under communism, you must first apply for an exit visa. And wait. And wait. My grandparents were never given permission. In addition to that, my grandmother did not return to work and my grandfather's salary was cut by 75%. He was also stripped of all of the patents he had filed.

One day, though, something happened that would change that decision forever. Russia, like Israel, has military reserves. Once every few years, every male has to return for training and updates in weaponry and technology. My grandfather was summoned to the reserves, but since he was applying to leave, he flat-out refused -- something which could have had him thrown in jail. (If you were in the army, then you obviously can't leave, since you know special secrets.) My grandfather took the risk. Several weeks later, another letter arrived in the mail. It said that my mother and her family had seven days to pack up and get out. (Usually, applicants were allowed several months to sell their belongings and settle all of their business.)

On June 10, 1981, my mother and her family arrived here, in the United States, with two suitcases a person, which was the limit for anyone leaving the country. Here in America, my grandfather got a job as an engineer and my grandmother became a bookkeeper for a business in Manhattan. My grandfather knew what little English he had learned to teach my grandmother and mother. My mother went on to Poly Prep, a high school in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn, and from there went on to Columbia.

All the Other Kids got a Week Off of School and all I Got Was H1N1

2009-05-27T19:36:00.004-04:00

No, I don't have H1N1 (popularly known as the Swine Flu), but I like the title. But I have one thing to say to anyone who is having panic attacks: get over it! Observe:

In order for you to be officially diagnosed with Swine Flu, your results need to be approved by the Department of Health -- and this whole process can take ten days to two weeks. By the time you've been diagnosed with your ailment and it has been put on file, you've already recovered and passed it on to a dozen other people who now have to take antivirals.
In comparison with other influenzae, this is pretty mild. The average flu kills so many more people in the average flu season than the "epidemic" has killed so far. Schools don't close for that, why close now?

I'm sorry, I just needed to get that out of my system. I also want to wish a רפואה שלמה (that's Hebrew for refuah sh'lemah, or a full recovery. It means get well.) to all those who are sick.

Cell Phones in High School: What is This Madness?

2009-04-11T20:51:00.002-04:00

In an article Community Magazine, (page 60) which deals with the Jewish community in Brooklyn, one of the articles discusses the "dangers of the cell phone".

What?!

Okay, I can understand that it's not a good idea to give pre-teens (ages approximately 7-11) cell phones, because simply that they would not know how to use it and would end up probably breaking it. But the article says that the principal of a certain Jewish high school (which I do not/plan not to attend) which shall henceforth remained unnamed, says that cell phones, specifically smartphones, such as Blackberries and Palm phones, are especially dangerous.

I am the proud owner of a wonderful Palm Centro, and I love it. As a commuter, I use the phone's games to entertain myself, the music player to listen to music, the news application to look at Dear Abby, the very clear speaker to talk to family and friends, and the QWERTY keyboard to send text messages to family and friends, and use the excellent camera to capture memories. I believe that I have legitimate uses for this phone.

Those are those my personal uses. The principal I mentioned above heads a high school, and obviously teenagers will be going places by themselves, and they need some way to stay in touch. My mother is specifically mortified of me going out on Saturdays, simply because I have no way of letting her know where I am. How can said principal think that cell phones are bad?

On that note, happy Passover!

A Science Project Gone Horribly Wrong

2009-03-25T19:40:00.005-04:00

As par curriculum, all eighth graders in my school are expected to produce an astronomy project, basically outlining what would happen if an asteroid of abnormal size were to impact the earth. We have to create a timeline of past asteroid impacts, and extinctions that occurred around the same time, and things like that. However, we are expected all parts of project, but without:

our parents knowing. There was no notice sent home for parents to notify them, nor was there an e-mail. Our teacher trusted that we would tell our parents. I ask you, how many teenage boys would actually tell their parents that they have a year-long project?
any guidance from our teacher. The only time my teacher intervened on anyone was to scream to stop playing around with the SmartBoard in the classroom. Sure, the teacher guided us through the steps, but he/she/dog has not reviewed anyone's project to give corrections.
And for God's sake, how can you just dump a project on six teenage boys and expect them to just magically do it?

Whew! Would you like some cheese with that wine?

So, I've been trying to do my part. Unfortunately, the part I wanted to do was dominated by the person who is in charge of our group. I have been stuck doing the section of the project that attempts to show asteroid impacts as the possible causation of extinctions, the most obvious being the dinosaurs. And I've tried, honestly, really tried to be enthusiastic about the fact that I'm stuck with the hardest part of the project, but for some reason it never came out. Here are some reasons why:

I have been to two meetings. The first ended up at a basketball court, and there were only two people there. We got no work done.
The second meeting consisted of four out of the six of us. First we played poker. Then we played "Take Turns Jumping on Ami and Making Slightly Suggestive Noises."

I think I have a right to be upset here, but please, what can I do?

Cyber Bullying: Why?

2009-03-21T20:31:00.002-04:00

Okay, I can understand that cyberbullying is common among teenagers and pre-teens. We are insecure. Period. But today, in a completely random tangent, my mother tells us that whenever she decides to post something on a certain message board (which shall henceforth remain nameless), she is continually harassed by other people which she actually recognizes.

Here are some of my hypothesises why cyberbullying is among adults. On the Internet, a person can assume a "screen name" or a fake name. This, essentially, grants these us a new persona, and we can truly be whoever we so desire. In real life, we are bound by our affiliations. Our friends know who we are, and that is almost impossible to change. On the Internet, we can create new people, with new names, and personalities that may not always match who we are in real life. Therefore, people think that they have true "freedom of speech", and can express their true thoughts and opinions -- even if they may not be polite.

This could also be that people have been de-sensitized from other's feelings. After doing a certain thing so many times, we become accustomed to it. If every every day I were to dump a tablespoon of sugar in my coffee, though it may be a little overbearing the first few days, but after a while, I adapt to the sugar, and I crave more. When people cyberbully, they show their insecurities. Though it may not be nice for them at first, they will not care after doing it several times. People have lost all respect for other's feelings. (Okay, that sounds a little sadistic, but it's just a theory.)

Both theories build one another. Because people assume different names, they think that they can get away with harassment and not get caught. People who make names like this for themselves hide under a shield of the Internet. But anything can be hacked -- there is no foolproof protection.

Something Interseting About Purim

2009-03-11T20:25:00.004-04:00

One of the many interesting things about Purim is the custom that one must become drunk so that he cannot tell the difference between Haman, who is evil and was attempting to annihilate us, and Mordechai, who is blessed and saved us from certain destruction. For those of us who don't want to get that drunk, here are some alternatives:

You should drink slightly more than you would on an average day. (Ex: if you would normally drink a beer, today, drink two.)
You should be able to tell such an obvious difference right off the bat, but if you were asleep, you should still be able to tell someone the difference. If you can't, you took one too many shots.
Some reverse logic: Haman tried to kill us all, but he brought thousands of Jews back into Judaism to pray to God that they should be saved. Therefore, if one is confused in such a way, he has fulfilled his requirement.

Phew!

By the way, the guy that saved us was despised by the others of his generation. Though he was the head of the highest Jewish court, he was harshly criticized by his peers for his temerity towards Haman. While everyone else bowed down to him, Mordechai simply sat down. He took advice from the story of Daniel, who refused to bow down to a simple statue of the Babylonian king, let alone an actual person.

Just a couple Purim thoughts. That's it.

A Walk Across the Brooklyn Bridge

2009-03-02T14:40:00.008-05:00

Here's a nice activity that is nice and pleasant, and thus it comes as no surprise to me that the children that I go to school with would not have dreamt of -- not that, of course, video games and three consecutive hours of instant messaging isn't fun. I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge. (That is, by the way, a five-and-a-half mile walk there and back.)

And we couldn't have picked a better Sunday to do it. My mother, like all mothers, was mortified that we would catch a cold, but halfway across the East River, we all decided to stall and take of our winter jackets. For some reasons, it was warmer over the East River twenty (about) feet up, then it was on either side on land. Interesting.

Anyway, so we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge and back. I learned a new fact: at one point, when the Bridge was opened, since it was the first bridge between Brooklyn and Manhattan, it actually had railroad tracks -- and at one point it only carried trains and a walkway. Imagine. Anyway, here are some pictures:

This is my favorite picture from the expedition:

Israeli Politics

2009-02-26T20:32:00.005-05:00

Alright: here it is. Israeli politics. It's its own separate branch of government philosophy -- right there next to democracy, socialist, and totalitarianism.

The problem is, there is no constitution in Israel. (Believe me, if there was, the whole problem in Israel that we have now wouldn't be, and I wouldn't be writing this blog entry.) Here's a basic run-down of the election problem: right now, we have two main candidates, Netanyahu and Livni. They are both trying to score their party the most seats in the K'nesset (the Hebrew equivalent of a Parliment.), which will then lead them to the position of Prime Minister.

The president of Israel, who servers more as a formality and for diplomacy than anything else, has the option of asking either candidate to create a coalition. The candidate and his/her party has this option, or they can, of course, decline. If both candidates refuse to create a coalition, then the president, Shimon Peres, has two options: he could either create a rotation system, where both candidates will receive time as Prime Minister. He could also choose his own candidate, or he could choose from the two.

As everyone knows by now, I supported Obama in the election. The most-asked question that people asked me was: do you honestly think that Obama will help Israel. The answer: I don't know -- and neither does Obama. He has a choice; he could either "help" them by letting Israel bomb the living snot outa the Arabs, or he could "help" Israel by trying to negotiate with the Arabs. And for Heaven's sake, Israel doesn't know what's good for Israel, and with the current situation with the governent, it doens't have time to.

First of all, if there was a constitution, or any set of laws, Israel would not be in this situation. And second of all, who invented this?

P.S. This may not be neccessarily comforting, but Israel is in a worse situation than the United States right now. :)

Fact or Opinion?

2009-01-01T15:22:00.006-05:00

Here is something completely irrelevant to anything at all. It's just a simple question I want to pose. We know that every statement in the world can be divided into two categories: fact and opinion. For example, "The Earth is round" is a fact. "This blog is the best in the universe" is an opinion (even though it should be a fact).

Think about it, though. Man invented fact and opinion. Fact was invented by man. In essence, fact is simply an opinion -- remember, fact is man-made, as is opinion -- that can not be disproven. Going back to my example, "The Earth is round": the only reason we can call this statement a fact is because there is no one that can say anything against this statement. No one today will say that the world is flat. The statement, "The world is round" can not be disporven in our current age. Remember, facts change, too. For example, in the time of Christopher Columbus, the world was considered to be flat, not round. If you lived then, then the statement, "The Earth is flat" would have been true; a fact. Again, in 1492, there was no one that could disprove the statement, "The Earth is flat."

Opinion is the same. Going back to my example, "This blog is the best in the universe," is obviously an opinion. I am sure that someone will come across this blog one day and curse its existence. This opinion was made by man and can be disproven because, like I said before, there will be someone who disagrees with what I write on this blog. The only way for the statement, "This blog is the best in the universe" to become a "fact" is to show my blog to every living creature in the universe. This, as we know, is a physical impossibility with the extent of our present knowledge and technology. One day, many years from now, though, a scientist will be able to travel throughout the galaxy and interview every living organism, and if they all agree to the statement, "This blog is the best in the world," then this statement will escalate to the category of facts. And remember, they all have to agree to the exact same statement -- no variations allowed. Again, man decides what is fact and opinion.

This, of course, opens infinite windows of possibility, not all of them positive. For example, based on my theory, God only exists because man claims that he/she heard God speak to him/her. No one has come back from the dead and told us whether or not God exists. However, as a Jew, I am obligated to believe in God, regardless of proof. This also raises the question of what to believe and what to not believe. For example, I just finished a book called The Da Vinci Code, by Dan Brown. (An excellent book, by the way.) This book discusses the Knights Templar, and raises question of whether or not Jesus was a virgin, whether or not God has a female counterpart. (Again, as a Jew, I am obligated to not believe this theory, but that is another story completely.) He backs up his theories using hints from paintings by famous artists, particularly Leonardo Da Vinci. I am confident in saying that he is not the first to bring up this theory, nor the last. But again, his theory exists only because there is not enough proof to disprove it.

In short, all fact is opinion, and all scientific laws are theories that that can not be disproven. Remember, fact is defined as, "Something that actually exists; reality; truth." The truth is just like history. It changes. New discoveries disprove old theories, and so too can new advancements can disprove, or alter the specifics of, facts. Everything: history, facts, reality, and actuality are all prone to change. The change, however, is something that we are afraid of. Just look at Barack Obama -- people were afraid to vote for him because they were afraid to find out what change was. Similarly, the Vatican kept knowledge hidden from common people during the Middle Ages. Many went by illiterate, and only knowing how to serve the lord of their village and how to worship God. Scientists were killed, as well as anyone who had second thoughts about God.

We live our lives in fear of change. The concept of fact and opinion is just a scapegoat to hide our fears.

2008/5768: My Year in Words (And Some Pictures)

2009-01-01T00:00:00.001-05:00

Happy New Year's to all of my faithful readers! Yes, everyone it has been a successful year (in my book, anyway), and there's just so much to write about. Here's just a few highlights.

Let's start with the positive points points of 2008/5768:

My Bar Mitzvah Party, expertly planned by my loving mother. Thank you!
I now have a third first cousin, Kaia Broadwell, from my family way the heck out there in California. Congratulations!
Our family trip to Canada, including Quebec City, Montreal, and Ottawa. This was our first family vacation (that lasted more than two days) since 2003, when we all packed up and went to San Francisco for a week.
Several of my writing pieces were published in TeenInk Raw, a website for teenage writers. (Follow the hyperlink and search for my name if you want to fine them, but most are posted here, on this blog.)
Eppis Fun Gornisht turned one in August, and I broke my goal of having both 35 posts total to this point (this post will be number 41), as well as publishing at least one post a month since January 2008.
We just received a used, brand-new television, finally. I can now watch TV without all of that fuzz.
I finally got a new cell phone, a Palm Centro. My old Samsung was falling apart at the hinges. To make life better, it was free after mail-in rebate. I now have a phone with a working camera, the ability to sync with my computer, and an mp3 player, which suddenly became much more important, as you'll see soon.
And, as my father puts it, "The fire-hazard known as Hanukkah."

And now some of the less-joyous parts of my year:

The stress is on for us eighth with the BJE exams in November. One of two annoying entrance exams to Jewish high schools and Jewish community day schools. I also took the SHSAT (Specialized High School Admission Test), which is an entry test for specialized public high schools, such as Stuyvesant.
My computer, an old Compaq, is slowly reaching the end of its life. In addition, my old and trusty Toshiba Tecra 8000 is nearing its death, and at eight years old and running the newest version of Ubuntu, I don't blame it. (Mine isn't the only computer breaking down, though. My father's laptop also broke down.)
My iPod was stolen from my car, so now I'm stuck converting all of my music into mp3 (since I actually bought most of my music off of iTunes, these songs are in DRM-free format, which is a pain for me, since my phone can't read that format. -Sigh-) On the flip side, though, it was a first generation iPod Nano, four years old, so it's pretty near worthless, now that you can get a new one with thrice the size for just $150.

Well, everyone, Happy New Year's! Continue reading!

David Patterson: Anti-Education... Or Anti-Over-Spending

2008-12-28T17:37:00.005-05:00

My school recently sent home a notice pleading parents to call Governor David Patterson's office in Albany and petition against his newest budget cut: to cut government funding for private schools. Permanently.

I agree, but not on the "permanently" part. At some point or another, all schools will need financial help. But a school like mine, which is private and charges insane tuition rates doesn't really need that much help, or so we would all like to think. In comparison, public schools have no tuition and need more funding than my school will ever need. And Patterson is right. We need to cut funding on certain things, and if you're a Jewish day school, you probably don't need that much government support.

The school, however, thinks otherwise. Recently, the president of the board asked trustees to double their pledges to the school. The trustees, though, are greatly affected by the economy, and can't really spare much money. Instead of cutting off senior trips to Chelsea Piers and a Shabbaton (a weekend spent in a hotel where we all have fun, etc, etc, etc.), as well as the senior trip to Washington, D.C, the school is spending times kneeling down to Patterson and begging for funds. For heavens' sake -- one of the schools I have applied to have canceled their eighth grade Broadway show and took the class ice skating. The price went from $45 $15. Amazing. This school also sends their eighth grade to Israel as their senior trip. Guess what -- it's been cancelled.

You know, denial is not only the name of a river in Egypt...

The Average Mind Part...What are we up to now?

2008-12-04T19:59:00.003-05:00

Over the last few months, the minyan (gathering of ten men over thirteen years of age praying) that I am a part of in my school has been growing restless: they want to zip through the prayers and go straight to a breakfast of spoiled cereal, spoiled milk, and unusually spoiled kids. And so, when they are the cantors, they have been ignoring the head rabbi/teacher and just going at their own pace. I note here that it is customary to wait for the head rabbi of the minyan, at certain pauses throughout the duration of the prayer service. (In my synagogue, the day you don't wait for the rabbi is the last day you'll ever be a cantor.)

When I am cantor, however, I wait for the rabbi, making us all about...five minutes later to breakfast. I know this is a little heartless of me, but I don't go to breakfast since I got a stomach virus from the spoiled cereal--so I don't really care how late I am. So I wait for the rabbi because I know that it is the right thing to do, and all of my principals seem to agree with me. You can imagine how bent out of shape my fellow minyan-goers get--they need to get to their breakfast! Oh, the humanity!

What should I do? I know that I'm right (or at least I'm pretty sure I am), but what can I do to please all parties (if such a thing is possible)?

Racial Comments 'Shock' Me Too!

2008-11-16T19:53:00.004-05:00

This editorial in The Jewish Week, about racial statements among students -- and I have seen first-hand just how discrimitating students can be, not only among themselves, but to our new president as well, simply because "he is black." I wrote the following letter to the editor about my observations on what students have said:

To The Editor:

In response to your editorial on November 14: I am 13 years old and attend a Modern-Orthodox yeshivah in Brooklyn. I, too, have observed students, often with little or no information, make discriminatory statements about Barack Obama, simply because “he is black.” I have often heard classmates use vulgar and profane language to describe Obama and his plans for Israel. My classmates have repeatedly said that they believed that Obama was an Arab, not even delving into Obama's political platform, and believed that Obama wanted to condemn Israel and return it to the Arabs. A mock debate held in my school confirmed what my friends and I have been thinking: almost my entire school is anti-Obama, not because they disagree with him, rather they are simply put off by the fact that a supposed “Arab” is running for president.

Part of this is probably due to parents' bias on the election. Children look up to their parents, and these parents, instead of teaching them about what each candidate thinks, say that they dislike Obama because he is black. Parents, in turn, influence and even fuel their charges' racism and discriminatory feelings toward Obama — they don't encourage their children to find out what each candidate stands for, and to form educated opinions based on information. These children, of course, will not listen to those who try to explain what Obama stands for — they hear what they want to hear, and only that.

In an effort to stop the racism in my school, I consulted my principal on what I should do. He told me to include in my speech that I was to give in the mock debate/election a sentence about the unimportance of race, and instead, the importance of trust and educated opinions. (“John McCain”, however, won by a 3:1 landslide.) This, though, did not stop the racism: still in my school, more than two weeks after the historic election, I hear children saying racist and disturbing comments about our president-elect.

Congratulations to Our New President

2008-11-11T20:51:00.006-05:00

Congratulations, Senator -- or should I say President-Elect -- Barack Obama!

I know lots who read my blog on a regular basis are probably thinking something along the lines of "Dirty traitor! How can he go from Giuliani to Obama? They're complete opposites!" Or something like that. The truth (yes, I'm finally revealing who I supported--Ah! The suspense!) is: yes, at first, I supported Giuliani. But let's face it. He didn't have the momentum or the drive to run his campaign, and it cost him. As a Conservative born (not bred!) my next choice was McCain or Romney. I didn't like either of them that much, though. As I slowly realized that McCain picked an idiot for a running mate, and he can't keep a consistent outgoing message, I lost my hopes for another Republican president. And in truth, I think I agreed more with McCain, but we do need change: maybe a Democrat will do something good for our country. And so, I concede. In truth, I disagree with both of them. They're two different people, and I like different parts of what each said; simple as that.

Now, here's what you can do if you don't like what's going to happen on January 20th. You can move to Israel -- even though they're in a sorrier state than we are right now or you can tough it out and deal with it. He's our president, and it's our job as citizens to support our new president that we elected.

Now, what is Saturday Night Live going to do now that Sarah Palin is over? Well...I guess they could pick on Biden a little. "America's problems can all be solved in a simple, three-letter word: JOBS. J-O-B-S."

And, once again, congratulations to our new president. I, for one, wish you the best of luck!

A Good Example of Irony

2008-10-27T17:58:00.002-04:00

In light of the presidential election, which is happening a mere eight days from now, my school is holding a mock debate, followed by a mock election. There will be two students that will represent each candidate, two vice presidents, and each candidate will have three advisers to help them.

And I am representing John McCain. And considering that I am (mostly) and Obama fan, there's irony right there for you. And one of my closest friends is Obama. This is going to be fun. I asked the teacher coordinating this project that since I am Senator McCain, do I have to sound like a blabbering idiot like he does, or can I sound intelligent? Her answer was that Mr. McCain is an intelligent man, he just has trouble expressing himself. Passable answer, but the public doesn't really care. If McCain sounds like an idiot, then that's what people think he is. Should I wear my Obama kippah that day, and take it off for the debate--just to spice things up?

And, during all this, I wonder who's smarter: Sarah Palin or a first grader?

My Little Experiment

2008-10-07T19:47:00.002-04:00

My father's friend gave him an "Obama '08" kippah, and, just for kicks, I decided to wear it to school, to see how kids and teachers would react. I just added a new label to this entry, "humor". It fits perfectly.

My friends were revolted by my experiment, all except for one, who gave me a pat on the back and called me a good boy. One swore bloody murder and called me a traitor to all Jews and Republicans, one threatened to burn it until the thinnest ashes were left, and one threatened to smack "all living hell" out of me. I got a real kick out of doing this. That, and the fact that the Giants are 4 wins and a tie.

The teachers gave a completely different reaction: they also got a kick out of it. One of them, who is actually an Obama supporter, told me that I was right to support Obama. (I don't support any candidate, as you know from my last entry, I just wanted to have a little bit of fun.)

All in all, I really enjoyed leading a riot in my school. It was lots of fun.

My Newest Standpoint on the Election

2008-09-20T20:27:00.007-04:00

Alright, I've got to say, I'm really disappointed in both candidates. Ok, fine, I'll say it: we're screwed no matter who becomes president. I have one new major platform, that, regrettably, McCain has failed in: abortions.

I know, I'm skating on thin ice with this topic, but I need to write about it. Right now, McCain is very strongly pro-life, which, in all honesty, I respect. It's how he feels: a baby is considered human at the moment of conception. As a Jew, though, I am obligated to believe that before the embryo has been alive for forty days, it's just a clump of cells. So, like I said before, McCain has already failed.

Obama is different, though. He's got his own problems, like, say, that he believes that it's ok to have an abortion, but at the same time, it's ok to fail and let the baby die after it leaves the mother, in a linen basket. Like Harry Potter, the only difference being that, 1) Harry was born normally, and 2) Harry survived. But still, I believe, like Obama, that a women has the right to choose, for example, if she was raped, or if the baby is endangering the life of the mother, in which case, according to Halacha, it is required to kill the fetus in order to save the mother.

That's not to say, of course, that a 16-year-old girl went and had unprotected relations with a guy -- and then got pregnant -- should go and have an abortion. Abortions are not a form of birth control. We have condoms for that, folks. This is my proposal for the all high schools should give compulsory SexEd classes, and each student should be give a list of stores in the area that sell condoms and such. The problem with my plan is that private high schools are exempt from state education laws.

Right now, though, it's going to be interesting watching how the last month-and-a-half of the presidential elections shape up.

Another Reason to add to the list: "Why my Mother Doesn't want a GPS"

2008-08-28T21:49:00.004-04:00

On our road trip to Canada, we borrowed my grandparents GPS. We were in the middle of Farmland, Quebec, when the melodious voice of the GPS rings throughout the car: "In 400 meters (we set it to metric), turn left; then board ferry."

Um...What?!

Sure enough, there is a ferry that goes from one end of some river, probably some part of the Saint Lawrence River, to the border of Quebec and Ontario. Excellent. But, as my mother pointed out, what would have happened if the ferry was closed. Frankly, I really don't want to know.

While on the ferry, the GPS showed us the picture of a car floating in the middle of the river, not even going in a straight line. We reach the other end of the river, and the female voice rings out again, "Alight from ferry, then turn left." Whatever.

This, by the way, is the same GPS that started misfiring on Auto-route 15 in Montreal, saying rapidly, non-stop, "Turn left, turn left, turn left, then, turn left..." with many repetitions and many "Turn right"s, and, finally, a "Turn reft."

We Made It: Happy Bithday!

2008-08-28T09:00:00.005-04:00

Alright, everyone! Happy Birthday, Eppis Fun Gornisht! That's right, exactly, on this day, one year ago, Eppis Fun Gornisht was first created, on a hot summer evening. It's been a productive year, me writing and you, the readers, responding with you (usually) insightful comments.

I actually took the time to use a calculator to caculate the average amount of posts that were posted since Eppis Fun Gornisht was created: 2.384615. This average includes only all posts up to and including this post. The total posts were 31.

I also calculated the average number of comments posted on those 31 posts: 2.741935. This average includes only comments made before this post. Comments made on this post are not counted. The total number of posts were 85.

I want to take this time to thank everyone who made this year of blogging an exciting and funny. To everyone who reads this blog: I thank you all! HAPPY BIRHTDAY, EPPIS FUN GORNISHT!!! :)

XP Is Going off Market! Help!

2008-08-07T20:37:00.002-04:00

Ok, everyone, it's finally come to it: Microsoft is pulling the plug on the best OS that hit the tech market that looks nice. (I mean, face it, 2000 and it's predecessors were everything except for pleasing to the eye.) Yes, XP is going off the market! HELP!

I've had some hands-on experience with Vista, finally. Needless to say, all that I've read about how crappy and horrible Vista is has now been verified. It stinks. Sure, I am happy that Microsoft addressed it's security problem, because IE7 has the best pop-up and junk like that, and that's not what Firefox. I think it's official: I have made the change to Firefox, and I ain't looking back. Microsoft, we are happy you see this, but darkening the screen every frieking we try to download something onto the RAM is overkill, don't you think?

Yes, I know I am sounding like Maximum PC here, but they're right.

When searching for a laptop, I found that you can still get XP Pro for an additional $99. Even though that's cheaper than buying the OS separate than before, it's still too much, considering that you could have gotten it free with your PC like you can now with Vista.

In short, I'm stuck getting Vista Home Premium, but I'm going to make sure that I can run iTunes and Firefox before I say that Vista may have a chance. What do you think?

Supreme Court's Decision on the Second Amendment

2008-06-30T18:41:00.005-04:00

The Supreme Court has just ruled that anti-gun and gun-control laws are "unconstitutional" according to the second amendment on the Bill of Rights, which states that all American citizens have the right to bear arms for self-defense, or just in general to have a weapon.

I'm sure we are all asking what will happen once firearms are readily available to any and all who desire one. The streets of the United States will run red with the spilled blood of murdered people. The death rate will go up, and there will be a national uproar. The entire country will become one big Bed-Stuy, Coney Island, Harlem, whichever sketchy neighborhood you want. I, personally, being a conservative, will provide a true example of a state that has a very lenient gun-control law: Florida. Florida was at a point where one could legally own a gun, and even go one step further--they could hide the gun on their person. No one could know for sure whether the next guy was holding a semi-automatic sub machine-gun, or if he is completely unarmed. However, the world was in for a surprise. Instead of the crime rate going up, in went down.

However, the supreme court has made it crystal-clear that misuse of weapons will not be tolerated anywhere in the country. Firearms are to be used only in self defense, not for passionate murder. Justice Scalia on the Supreme Court says that anyone could misinterpret the second amendment, allowing citizens to commit violent crimes, (ex murder,) with their weapons. Scalia has made it clear that misconception has not, in the past, or will be, tolerated.

Another question arises: what types of weapons are protected? Certainly not the torches or things of the sort that gangs use. As far as I know, only guns are to be tolerated and will be protected under the second amendment.

For those of us who are asking when this will take affect, and we can find a section in Modells where in one aisle you can find handguns, the next rifles, and the next machine guns, well, as of last Thursday, Washington D.C. has repealed its gun-control laws by demand of the Supreme Court.

I would like to apologize to all of the liberals who are reading this. I will tell you this, though. If you don't want a gun, don't buy one, OK?

Candidates Have Been FINALLY Chosen

2008-06-12T20:01:00.002-04:00

Ok, everyone, it's been a while, and I have been, at long last, able to return to my computer. We finally have our two candidates: John McCain from the Republican party, and Barack Obama from the Democrats.
Many of us McCain supporters (I've turned myself into a seasoned Republican, and considering the altertnative, I'm not regretting it.) are now rejoicing at the decision. Obama is weak. Very, very weak. If the race had been against Hillary, she would have won. She had a very strong campaign, and had all of the experiene required to be president, thanks to Bill.
Ok, fine, she was weak and her husband was a moron (he still is!), but she was still stronger than Obama.
Even though the, um..., I gues you would call it a "scandal," with Rev. Wright has not really hurt Obama as much as it could have. If it had hit him full on, he would have dropped out long ago. But right now, unless Obama gets his act together, McCain is officialy in the White House. Not officially, but you know what I mean. I'm talking figuratively here.
I'm sorry this isn't very long, but there's not much to say except this...
GOOD LUCK, JOHN McCAIN!!!

Psycho Teacher Grades Messed-Up Test

2008-05-29T19:58:00.002-04:00

The teacher's name and the subject that he/she teaches shall not be disclosed, no matter how much you pester me to tell. If you are reading this story and you already know who this teacher is, then good for you. Go and gossip about it.
This teacher gave a test that had twenty-two questions. There were twelve questions on the first page and ten on the second. Read that over again, because it's important. Since the teacher was probably to lazy to take out a calculator, he/she asked us to pick two questions for extra credit. This would make each question five points. All of the questions on the second had two parts, so you could get part of the question right and get two-and-a-half points, which he/she rounded up to three. If you didn't understand this mess, don't feel bad. I'm still a little confused myself.
I got three questions and one half-question on the first page. Yes, you can get half credit on the first page. I got one question and one half-question on the second page. There were two questions that were not marked right or wrong. I picked the first two questions that were wrong for extra credit, figuring that it wouldn't hurt me. That leaves two questions wrong, and two halves, which will now be counted as one question wrong. That means there are three questions marked wrong, which, at five points per question, is fifteen points. I should have gotten an 85.
I ask the teacher to please explain how he/she graded the test. Again, if you don't understand this, I didn't either. Neither did the majority of my class. He/she picked the extra credit questions from the two that you got wrong on the second page, which he/she thought was harder. You also had to get twenty questions right for the extra credit to take effect. If not, you had only eighteen questions answered. Somehow. No one understands why. We just kept nodding our heads with no clue what was going on. (Then again, that's what happens in most classes, even if you can understand.)
If you have the slightest idea what in the world is going on, please tell me, because I'm lost in a territory that is far from my own.

The Average Mind Part V

2008-05-12T20:34:00.003-04:00

Ok, this may not be the average mind, but it sure is how mind works. I just didn't have a better name for it. Sue me.
People, this may sound crazy, so I want you to read this laying down-- the fall from getting a heart attack won't hurt as much. I actually may have a talent for basketball. Sick as it sounds, it just may be true. My friends and I have discovered that I am good at basketball. Ok, fine. But one question remains: why do I do so horribly in gym?
Well, I finally have an answer. I play simply FOR FUN. Emphasize on the last two words. When I am playing with my friends, there is no pressure. I am free to suck. Why? Because I know that they don't care--and if they do, they're smart enough to keep it to themselves. When I play in gym, I'm not having fun. Because there is stress to win.
If I'm playing for fun, I don't care if I win or lose. I'm enjoying myself. In contrast, gym is all about winning. If you don't win, you suck.
This is probably one of the reasons I have no insentive to want to go to gym. Or try out for basketball team.
How interesting...

Obama: Honest or Hypocrite?

2008-05-04T14:14:00.005-04:00

This happened on Monday, but this is the first time I've been able to post since then. Sorry, folks.
I am sure we have all heard of Jeremiah Wright. If you haven't, though, I'll sum it up, since I never put it on mt blog. Jeremiah Wright has been Obama's pastor and friend for over twenty years. My sources (New York Times, the Internet,) tell me that he even married Obama to his wife, who I assume is Mrs. Obama. In case you didn't realize, these two are pretty close.
Earlier this year, maybe in February, news came out that Wright had been giving sermons that said that G-d should damn America (G-d forbid!), that American doctors created AIDS to kill blacks, and many other horrible, baseless accusations on America. He also states that the racial distinction has not yet been abolished. This is 100% true. While America has done its best to be rid the country of this separation, unofficially it still remains.
This whole story came out in February, and only a couple day ago did Obama sever ties with Wright. Why now? Because it is endangering Obama's ticket to the White House. Allow me to explain:
When Obama first heard Wright's controversial sermons, he should have pulled out of that specific church then and there and should have gone and found another one. Or, if he didn't, when the whole story came out, he should have said something like this, "Whether I agree with Rev. Wright or not, he is still my pastor and close friend. I feel connected to him both as a friend and as a member of his church." It would have gotten him zero votes, but he would have gained respect of others. By severing ties with Wright now, he has done the same thing he has done with his "typical white grandparents" (these are the grandparents that put him through the expensive prep schools; got him to where he is now. He threw them under the bus just like he has now done to Wright).
Now, I must ask you: Do we really want "change" if this is what Obama believes? And even if he doesn't believe this, is this the type of person we want for president, one that lies and is a traitor to those who help him? A president that bites the hand that so graciously fed him? Think about it...

The Average Mind Part IV

2008-04-24T20:52:00.003-04:00

This was a blog entry from long ago, I just haven't had time to post it.
So, on the Internet, I saw an article about a professor in Jerusalem, Israel, who found a new plant near a mountain which many rabbis believe Mt. Sinai is. Now, this isn't your ordinary plant. When the fragrance of this special flower is inhaled, it puts the person who smells it into hallucinations. Thus, this professor concludes that everything that Bnai Yesrael saw at Sinai--the thunder, the lightning, and G-d's voice was a mere hallucination. If you haven't noticed, if this is true, then all we Jews have been following is one huge lie.
There was another professor that also came out with a study that says that the burning bush that Moses saw was actually a marijuana plant. Apparently, when a marijuana plant burns, the leaves will fall off, but the wood itself will not burn. (Don't ask me, I don't smoke pot.) And when the bush burns, it also induces hallucinations. Therefor, the whole prophecy that Moses heard was all imagined.
As of this isn't crazy enough, Lady Fingers are no longer kosher for Passover, because "Lady Fingers are an inappropriate name for a food."
You know, the Arabs hating us is good and all, but you have to admit--there really isn't anything like a Jew trying to disprove his own religion. How lovely.

Diary From the Near Future

2008-04-06T10:54:00.000-04:00

June 3rd, 2059
I turned on the radio. The news is the same. “Two terrorist attacks today, one in Times Square, and the other in the suburban town of Monsey. The United Police are still looking for clues concerning the murder of England's Prime Minister Cohan.”
I turned it off. There have been attacks for several years now. My father says that UP are doing everything they can. So does Mr. Von Frainer, our German neighbor. They both have some high-ranking positions in the United Police, an organization of the United Nations. These people are the best in war and diplomacy. If they can't stop the merciless terrorist attacks, nobody can.
June 23rd, 2059
I don't have many friends here on the UP base on Governor's Island. I'm the probably the oldest kid here. There's just nothing to do. Governor's Island doesn't have a basketball court. There's no ice skating. There's school, but it's summer now. I'm not allowed off the base. Security. I wish we could go back home to San Francisco, or at least back to normal civilization. Sometimes, I think the only good thing here is the food, and that isn't what I expected it to be.
July 18th, 2059
We keep having people around for dinner. Diplomats, commander in the UP, you get the idea. But no friends. There's always someone walking in and out of our house. And when we have guests, Mr Von Frainer is always there. He and dad go way back, since they were in the army. And what frightens me is everyone on the base carries a gun. Security and what not. It's scary. What if someone loses control and just fires it?
Well, today we had a diplomat from some weird country in Europe. Weird being defined by “one of those countries you haven't heard of, nor will you ever hear of it.” See, my two sisters, Adrianne and Anette, and I were in our rooms, so we couldn't hear what they were saying. Again, security. You can never trust kids.
I was on my bed, playing a hand-held video game. I usually don't eavesdrop. Yes, for the most part, I'm a good, little boy, who does as he is told. But I just happened to hear something disturbing. Some noise. Loud noise.
I tiptoed to the stairs, but I didn't go down. You are able to see the front door from the top of the stairs. I was there just in time to see the diplomat leaving. I called Adrianne and Anette, and we went down to the dining room.
The table was overturned. My parents and Mr. Von Frainer were dead.
Being a man obsessed with security—and with good reason, too—my father taught us what to do in such a case. First, we have to find his gun. For protection. Then we take out his radio and call for help. I did both.
I held the radio up to my mouth. My voice was shaking. I just never thought I ever have to do this. “Hello? My name is David, son of Commander Highwind. My father, my mother, and Commander Von Frainer are dead. I need help.” I waited a minute. A response crackled over the handset, “Stay where you are. Help is on the way.” Most of the time, when you hear that help is coming, you gain hope. I didn't.
I didn't hear the front door creak open. I should have—it isn't that far away, and it always creaks when it opens. I didn't. I should have hears loud footsteps. I didn't. But I did hear the words, “too late!” And three gun shots. I spun around.
And it was too late.

All-Time Depression

2008-04-06T10:27:00.002-04:00

Ok, folks, we have an all-time depression in readers on the #1 blog: Eppis Fun Gornisht. I post, I write, I edit, and yet no one seems to read the greatest blog of all time. I put time into creating creative, entertaining, humorous blog posts and no one appreciates them. I sacrifice vidoe game and basketball time to write for my blog--and if any of you know half of me, you will know that that is ine heckuva sacrifice for me. For example: right now, I could be playing with my friends. Alright, well you get the idea. So please, visit more and comment more. Please?
Wait a second: Why am I writitng this on my blog where no one visits, so no one will read it. Hmm.....

My Bar-Mitzvah Party

2008-03-16T17:40:00.004-04:00

When a boy reaches the age of thirteen, or a girl; twelve, they become responsible for themselves. It is customary to celebrate this day with an extremely extravagant party. Yessir, on that day, that young person gets everything he wants and more (Of course it wasn't, and I didn't, but that's beside the point). And on Sunday, 3/16/2008, that lucky boy was none other than yours truly.
After almost a year of preparation on my mother's part to make an excellent party, everything turned out great. There was food--and good food at that--dancing, and speeches, because what would a party be without speeches. As my father put it, "I know that this is not something we look forward to, so we'll make it short and sweet." And truly they were, and everyone was happy to get up and dance again.
And of course, there was entertainment: this was done particularly well by a keyboard player named Yoel Hecht (http://mysite.verizon.net/vzesq769/yoel_hecht/). Balloons, music, kept over 50 kids enthralled for four hours, he does it all.
On Friday, I read Megillat Esther, the Scroll of Esther, to fulfill the custom that when a boy turns 13, he engage in a public reading of something (that he could not do before he was 13). Or, to be more precise, he reads something from the Torah--and I read that too (the special reading that we say on Purim) After may "Mazal Tov"s and much throwing of candy (yes, that's also a custom), I also read for a shut-in old lady, since it is a commandment for every man, woman, boy, and girl, to hear it.
But now, I feel and an emptiness, a void in my life. With my Bar-Mitzvah done, and the play over, my life just seems so...........relaxed; empty. Amazing.

Life

2008-03-13T09:36:00.000-04:00

Life is a story,
To be read.
A story of great glory,
That ends at the writers death.

Life is a balance,
Where there are weak,
And there are gallant.
With many deeds,
Of both wrong and right.
Some done by people of the day,
Others committed by the people of the night.

Life is a performance,
A play without a script.
With you as the lead,
And your friends, the chorus.

Life is a circle,
Of happiness and sorrow,
With the pain of today,
Comes the greatness of tomorrow.

Life is a flowing stream,
With every wrong,
That can't be undone,
Comes a right that we can learn from.

Elliot Spitzer...aka Cheater McLiar

2008-03-11T19:55:00.003-04:00

Recent news (and by recent I mean yesterday--I am very up-to-date. Most of the time, anyway. Ha ha ha.) shows that Governor Elliot Spitzer has been cheating on his wife and laying with prostitutes right and left. As a person always against this type of thing, I find it utter hypocrisy that he should commit such an abominable act. Yessir, he is being added to my list of "Idiot Jews who Shame our Name and Disgrace Us." Right there next to Howard Stern.
When discussing this with my friend, he claimed that the only reason the media were making a big deal about because the media at large are "Anti-semitic and are looking for fault with the Jews." I wholeheartedly disagree with him. I feel that this is more than anti-semitism. True, the world my hate us, but the fact that the governor of New York lying with a prostitute? That's just wrong. Actually, it would be wrong no matter what. This is just wronger.
What actually happened was, the federal government was investigating a high-end prostitution ring, and found a wiretap that confirmed someone making a trip to Washington to meet "Clint 9." Sources told the New York Times that Client 9 has been identified as none other than Governor Spitzer himself.
The wiretap included that the woman would be meeting her client at room 871 in a hotel, but it did not specify which. That night, Governor Spitzer arrived at Wahington, and stayed at the Myflower Hotel. The hotel room he was staying in--yes, you guessed it--room 871. When investigating the hotel, the room was indeed reserved, but not under Spitzer's name, rather, under the name of his close friend, George Fox, but the address for the bill was Spitzer's Fifth Ave. apartment in New York City.
Whether or not he did this, I still he think he should be ashamed. Shame, shame, shame.

The Average Mind Part III

2008-03-03T17:08:00.002-05:00

Ok, I am writing this blog entry on a nice day. I had to listen to a baby screaming on my way home from school. I haven't exactly had the best day ever.
So I was in gym today, a good friend of mine (in this story to be know as Person #1--easier to follow,) hit another friend of mine (henceforth in my story to be know as Person #2, for the same reason as above,) twice. The first time in the stomach, the second time something happened, and Person #2 was on his back on the ground.
Now, you have to understand. both Person #1 and Person #2 are friends of mine. When Person #2 was injured, I ran over to see if he was ok. It's natural instinct for me. If a friend is injured, I help them.
Well, there is a Person #3, who is a sorta friend of mine. This is what happens when we talk (or something like this, anyway):
Person #3: Go away, Ami, he's ok. Don't get involved.
Me: He my friend too. It's a free country, I have every right to make sure he is ok.
Person #3: Whatever. Just go play football, or whatever it is you're doing over there.
I walk away, flustered, even a little angry, and return to my game of (boring) football. The second time Person #2 is injured, I come over, and basically the same thing happens.
After the class, Person #1's and Person #2's teammates come over and start badgering Person #1on how big a loser he is, the typical teenage crap to make a teenager feel just that--crap. Being friends with both sides, I get them to stop. Person #1 is my friend too.
Do you think what I did was right? Should I have defended both sides? I want your opnions.

Aftermath

2008-02-24T19:37:00.002-05:00

Late last night, I wrote a blog entry "The Average Mind Part II." If you are reading this, and you haven't read that entry, its only one scroll below this entry. Lazy!
It is not even three (3) hours after the end of my first performance. I have to say, jumping up and down clapping like a lunatic (as is required of me in the play--go figure) in front of 650 people could be so easy. If you haven't tried it yet, I recommend it. It's really an experience.
Now, after two hours of vigorous dancing, singing myself hoarse, and much sweating--it's really hot back there. I am tired, even exhausted, but I know that, when I go to bed, I won't sleep a wink.
All in all. this weekend was really good. Friday was a snow day (no complaints there!), Saturday was uneventful and restful, as it should be (again, no complaints!), and today, was the play. The only part I wish never happened was the makeup. For crying out loud, why the bliddy hell do we have to wear makeup. When asking this, the answer was quite simple: to be able to see facial expressions, and facial components (mouth, nose eyes--thank G-d not the ears too!) What strikes me as insane is that there are people--news anchors, actors, etc. that have to endure this torture every day. How they endure such extensive brain damage is truly beyond me--but who am I, a naive little twerp, to question the ways of the world?
Ah, yes well, it was a successful performance, as all the tickets were sold out before the play. My family got let in because of me. Yes, I know, I'm special. And we truly did break a leg. And an arm. And we were lucky; we broke our necks too! Ha ha ha....

The Average Mind Part II

2008-02-23T21:21:00.002-05:00

There is a saying: "If you need something done, let a busy man do it." Until now, I never understood what this meant. If a man is busy, how can he have time to do what you want him to? Now, I understand what this means.
My karate instructor, Robert Cizma, said this after my red belt testing two weeks ago. Now, the night before my first High School Musical performance of two (the second being this Tuesday night,) and my Bar Mitzvah drawing ever nearer, I find myself busier than ever, with absolutely no leisure time. Well, ok, I get some, but, I could use some more. What happened before Sunday rehersals for the play, karate was a mere hobby, a simple something for me to do every Sunday evening. However, for some unfathomable reason, I have become much more serious, to the point where I think my adreneline has actually in use.
Now, the night before the performance, I understand. Kinda like "You learn something new everyday." My father says the worst curse you can give someone is that they should not be busy. I guess this is true.
Now, all I have to do is break a leg tomorrow at the play. And an arm. Maybe a neck too, if I am lucky. Ha ha ha, I know, I am going to be a great comedian when I grow up.

Snow

2008-02-22T15:22:00.003-05:00

Snow, Snow,
Falling, so gracefully,
Lingering before it falls,
With its sweet, sightly calls.
Peacefully, yet joyfully,
Snow, Snow.

Snow, Snow,
Creating a covering,
Like a big white blanket,
Upon a king.
Oh, how great!
Creating a magnificent,
White cape.
Snow, Snow.

Snow, Snow,
Oh, how lovely are you,
Finer, than morning's first dew.
The first sign of winter,
Is a sign that you always hinder.
Oh, so great,
Snow, Snow

The Three Little Pigs

2008-01-24T09:40:00.002-05:00

Once upon a time, there lived three little pigs: Snout—the oldest—Tummy, the middle pig, and Tail—the youngest, and also the smartest.
The three Pig brothers grew up and went to school, and the mean, notorious bully Wolf mercilessly bossed them around, threatening that if they didn't do what Wolf said, he would huff, puff and blow them to Mars to explore and report back to NASA on what they found. Naturally, every sensible being—from human to termite—complied with Wolf's demands. Now, Wolf was a heavy carnivore, who especially liked pork—cooked over a slow roast, and he made the Pig Brothers' lives extra miserable. After every instance that Wolf bullied them, Tummy would mutter to Snout “Oh, that Wolf is sooo gonna get it!”
The brothers grew up and each moved out into the open, and built houses for themselves. Snout decided to reside in the country, and constructed a nice house made out of straw and hay. Tummy went to the woods, and became a lumberjack. He built a beautifully carved house out of sweet-smelling cedar logs. Tail became a mason, and he decided to make a house that could not be broken—a house of brick. All three brothers were happy. They prospered and became wealthy. Meanwhile, Wolf got involved with a gang. His first mission was to procure the Pig brothers' fortunes for his superiors. Wolf, who hated the Pig brothers since childhood, heartily accepted the mission and set off to fulfill it.
The first brother, Snout, was enjoying a pleasant evening on his backyard by reading a nice book and drinking some iced tea. He was startled to hear a knock at the door, as he was not expecting anyone. He was to lazy to get up, and was absorbed in his book.
“Who is it?” he called from his backyard.
“It is me, Wolf. Do you remember? Please let me in, I come to take your fortune.” answered Wolf.
Snout gasped. Of course he remembered Wolf! Wolf tortured him and his little brothers in school. How could he forget!
“Never! You can huff and puff and blow my house down, but I will never give in!” screamed Snout.
“Then so be it.” said Wolf ominously. He drew breath in, and huffed and puffed, and be the house of straw and hay away. Snout got out of the way just in time, and escaped on his luxurious Cadillac pickup truck. He decided to escape to Tummy's house in the woods. Surely he would be safe there.
Snout should have been smarter. It only took two days for Wolf to come to Tummy's house.
“Come, please open up and I will make it a quick. I just want your fortunes. Please?” Wolf said, trying to sound cute, when in reality he was really just sounding more savage than he was before.
“Never! Never, will you have our fortune, you savage beast!” screamed Tummy, “Nor will you enter this house. You may huff and puff and blow my house down, but we will never surrender. Never!”
“So be it!” said Wolf in his most dangerous voice. He drew in breath, and huffed, and puffed and blew the log house to the ground, and the two brothers escaped on Snout's pickup.
“Drat! I really liked that house. Oh, that Wolf is sooo gonna get it!” muttered Tummy. The two brothers escaped to Tail's house.
The two brothers called Tail so that he could set up his guest room and ready his house for their arrival. But Wolf was sneaky—he planted a homing device under the car so that he could monitor where the car was going, and he made way for the same place—Tail's house.
The next morning, Wolf knocked on Tail's door with the same demand he had before: he was after their fortunes.
“You may huff and puff and try to blow my house down, like you did to my brothers', but I assure you, you will not succeed!” said Tail with perfect faith.
And so it was. Wolf huffed and puffed, but the house did not budge. He tried again, but with the same result. He attempted the blow the house down again. And again. And again. And again. All to no avail.
“Very well then.” rasped Wolf. “If I can not blow your house down, I will climb up the chimney and into the fireplace and eat you, limb by limb!”
“Quickly, help me light the fire. I have a plan.” whispered Tail to his brothers.
The lit the fire in the fireplace, and placed a cauldron of anesthetic to boil, so that when Wolf came down the chimney, he would fall into the anesthesia and would fall asleep.
And that is exactly what happened. Wolf came in and fell into the pot of liquid. He burned himself, but a moment later fell asleep. The Pig brothers tied him up while he was asleep and took him to the police. It turns out that Wolf had a $1,000,000 price on his head because of past crimes.
Tail let Snout and Tummy split the money between themselves, so that they could build new houses for themselves—out of brick, of course.
When all was finished, all three brothers were happy, and the all lived happily ever after.
“See, I told you Wolf was gonna get it!” Tummy said to Snout.

The Average Mind Part I

2008-01-16T20:50:00.000-05:00

You learn many a thing at school: math, science, and how others' minds work. I am writing this blog entry as part of a hopeful series of essays on psychology and how my fellow classmates' minds work. I hope you enjoy!
Ok, so I am in Gym class, playing as my usual stinky self, as I was never one of those superstar jocks or some exceptional athlete. What happened was, the gym teacher split us up into four teams and split the period into three games, so each team would play all the other teams. The sport was--yes, you guessed it: basketball!
Two out of the three games, the first two, I scored two points on each game. The end result made us lose by two on the first game, and tie on the second. Didn't help much for one of those people whose motto is "If you don't win by ten, you completely suck!" And, unfortunately, I was unfortunate enough to have one of those as me teammate. So, instead of congratulating me on my unexpected (even for me!) shooting streak and being glad that I was able to contribute more to the game than running around like a sad moron, was flaming mad that we tied, and vented his anger out on me every time I missed a shot or didn't get the rebound when I should have, or let my defense slip up. It was like eh forgot about my positive contributions to the game. Close to the end of the last game, I got fed up with the annoying scoldings and screamed at him that if he didn't like my playing style then he shouldn't pass to me and ignore me.
Ok, you see the facts. Now, what is your opinion? And, as soon I get another idea for an addition to this series, I promise I will post it as soon as possible. And, to those who have vacation--have fun! And to those who do not--I sympathize.

Iowa Caucus: What Went Wrong?!?!

2008-01-08T19:16:00.000-05:00

As we all know, the Iowa caucus was held on January 3rd, 2008. And as we all know, things went complete wacko.
Alright. Let's start with the Republican caucus. So here are the standings from the caucus: We have Mike Huckabee, who seemingly climbed out of nowhere and came in FIRST PLACE with a whooping 40,841. After him came Romney, with 29,949 votes--it seems that all his recent hard work paid off. Then came Thompson in third with 15,904, and following him with a close 15,559 votes was John McCain. After him came Ron Paul with 11,817. And now we have my man Giuliani in SIXTH PLACE with a measly 4,097 votes. Yessiree, I have officially given up on him and dubbed him "French Toast." After him came Hunter, whose first name I do not know with 524 votes, and after him came Tancredo, whose name I also do not know, with............5 votes. Using the calculator on my trusty cell phone, I have concluded that there were 118,696 participaters in the Republican Iowa Caucus.
As for the Democratic caucus, I do not have exact numbers, rather, I have percentages. Surprisingly, we find Barack Obama in first place with 38% of the participants. All his work with the youths paid off. It was a smart move, alright, even though Hillary thinks it is cheating. Next we have John Edwards with 30% of the votes, and after him we have Hillary Clinton, with also 30% of the votes. I have to say, I am disappointed--I expected more. From all the vigor she had in the beginning, I was expecting at least frst place. But, alas, the world is full of surprises. After her is Richardson, and here the numbers take a steep dive--only 2%. After him we have Biden with .9%, and Dodd with .02%. Sacrificial lambs, if you ask me.
Ah, yes, this world is full of surprises, and please comment with your opinions.

My Year In Words

2007-12-24T18:08:00.000-05:00

As the end of the year approaches, I have begun to think about everything I have done--the good, and the bad. So here it is, everyone: Amram D. Altzman's complete year in one blog entry.
January started off like it always does--school and some snow. Those of us New Yorkers know that we really don't get much snow around here. There was my New Year's party, which I had my best friend, Jacob, and his two brothers sleep over. We played video games, played with our Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, stayed up 'til one in the morning--the typical slumber party.
On March 10th, there was my twelfth birthday. Nothing special there, the important stuff is next year at my Bar Mitzvah. If memory preserves, Jacob slept over, and that was pretty much it. And life continues on.
In June, school ended. This is probably one the higher points of my year. There was nothing but parties, with the exception of an assembly. This took twenty minutes to say that we should be good Jews, where kippot and tzitzit, etc.
Ah, the summer breeze! I am at the library as a volunteer, and this is a summer I will never forget. At this point, I wish to bid all of my fellow Book Buddies a happy Holidays. For more on the fun, fun, fun of the summer see the blog entry entitled "And the Library is Supposed to be.........Quiet?".
And school starts of a school at the Yeshivah of Flatbush, things got back into routine. And I found out that there is school on New Years. My grades are good, as they always are, and today i got an 80 in Lashon, which, by the way, is an insanely good mark for Mrs. Levine.
Now, it is Erev Christmas, and I have just recapped my entire year in a bunch of short paragraphs. Happy Holidays everyone!

Goldilocks and the Tomato Sauce

2007-12-21T14:45:00.000-05:00

Goldilocks is a little girl who loves pizza. One fine, summer day, she was making anchovy pizza for lunch when she ran out of tomato sauce. Goldilocks decided she would go to the Bear residence on Ocean Parkway to borrow some tomato sauce. Goldilocks often baby-sat little Baby Bear, and she did not think the Bear family would mind.
She rang the doorbell, but there was no one home. Since Goldilocks was good friends with the Bear family, she decided there would be no harm done if she just snuck in and retrieved some tomato sauce from the kitchen. After all, what are friends for?
Goldilocks went into the kitchen—to the kitchen, where the tomato sauce was, when something her eye—fresh oatmeal! This was Goldilocks’ favorite breakfast, rivaling only cold pizza that she made the night before. She knew Papa and Mama Bear both liked their oatmeal at extreme temperatures, hot and cold respectively, but Baby Bear’s was just perfect in every way.
After eating a whole bowl of oatmeal, Goldilocks got tired. After all, doesn’t hot milk make you tired? Thus, she went upstairs to the bedroom and took a nice late morning nap.
Goldilocks awoke to the angry growl of Papa Bear. They carted her off to court, and sued her for breaking and entering. The judge, Howard M. Taftson, was angry about the recent budget cut, and therefore not in the mood for a prolonged trial, and let Goldilocks off the hook. The Bear family forgave her, and she lived happily ever after.

Torah Study Saved My Life

2007-12-03T20:10:00.000-05:00

The last month was a banner month for our family: first a regurgitating toilet in our basement, followed by our fridge breaking down on Thanksgiving, and then the sink in our bathroom breaking. Then, finally, on 12/1/2007, was the worst of them all: my house was broken into. Here, as always, is the story.
It was Saturday night, and we were at a parent-child learning program which is held at my shul (synagogue), where we were--yes, you guessed it--learning Torah. At eight o'clock, when we returned, we found my father's office torn apart, with the contents of the fire-proof box he kept in his office spilled on the floor. In addition to that, my parents bedroom looked like a hurricane just went through it, with clothes strewn across the floor, and my mom's jewelry was missing.
The police were called, and we established that the robbers entered through a window that was displaced, and not broken, then left through a back door in our basement.
Flatly refusing to go to bed from fear, I stayed up until the detective arrived. He looked over the affected areas, found glove prints (so there was no real evidence) and, when touring through my father's office for clues, found a bag filled with most of my mom's jewelry in it.
The life-saving part of the story was that I had planned to stay home by myself and do some writing, but my parents convinced me to go. Instead, I went to study Torah. So yes, Torah study did indeed save my life. From this story, I can assess three things: G-d has a very messed up sense of humor, someone out there, probably also G-d is trying to say "Booga booga," and, hey, you know, sometimes parents are right.
As, always, your comments and aksed of and accepted, as I want to know about my readers' opinions on this.

Something To Think About....Something To Drink About

2007-11-24T20:10:00.000-05:00

This year, in the screw-up of a school that I unfortunately attend, they have decided to have school on New Years. Why, you ask? For many reasons: The first of which is that New Years has some association with Christianity, but people--wake up! New Years has been adopted as a SECULAR HOLIDAY: there is no reason in that regard that we should not celebrate it. However, there is a second reason: last year, a group of high school kids got drunk. (Now you understand why I gave this entry that specific name.)
Now, the second reason is much more serious matter but I am not ready to give up my vacation for the (borrowing one of my teacher's terms,) "stupidies" of those idiot high schoolers.
I have tried petitioning, but to no avail. I feel that you should not have school on New Years, simply because, well, I want a day of vacation to stay up late and have fun with friends. If the school is going to be in session and it interferes with my partying then I say "NO WAY DAMMIT!"
As always, please post your comments.

Politics, Sports, and Other Mishugas

2007-11-01T18:51:00.000-04:00

At my school, the Yeshivah of Flatbush (http://www.flatbush.org/), the world revolves around teams: At this time, it is football. Spring, it's baseball--you get the idea. However, some of us true geniuses, have decided to discuss politics. It involves morning debates on Giuliani, Thompson, Obama and Clinton (BOOO!). My friend, who asks for a certain amount of anonymity, and I have decided that Clinton, who hates Jews with burning passion, would make the Jews' situation worse--as if that is what we need.
Obama is also has mental issues--he hasn't paid his taxes in FIVE YEARS. In a recent interview, he said "I have not broken the law, I have merely failed to adhere to it."
Thompson is an actor--that really is a key trait for a president, so that he can cover everything up and not tell people the truth. Yeah, why the hell shuold important people like the president tell simple idiots like us the truth?
Giuliani, too, was asked to run because of his admirable display of responsibility, authority, and understanding on 9/11. He is also for abortion, and, unfortunately, gay marriages. Nevertheless, he seems to be the best candidate.
Please post your comments about your opinions on this crucial topic. We wouldn't want another loser for a president, now would we?

Ahmadinejad in America?!?

2007-09-25T19:26:00.000-04:00

What is this? Ahmadinejad, sworn Jew hater, has arrived in New York and spoke at Columbia University yesterday, and plans to visit Ground Zero, the place where the great Twin Towers once stood.
What is wrong with this, you ask me? I'll tell you what's wrong: He wants to destroy Israel, and possibly eradicate the Jews in the process for a bonus. He plans to visit Ground Zero, and this could mean another 9/11.
The worst part about this whole to-do is that Bush lets this serial murderer into our country, when he made all the B.S. about Iran having nuclear weapons. So, why do he and the United Nations embrace this guy with open arms? I don't know. But I do know that Ahmadinejad is a Jew hater, Holocaust denier, and will most likely be on the people that start World War III.
This world is going to the dogs. I, as one of the next generation, beseech everyone to do their best to keep the world from being destroyed. Yes, that means that Bush may have to stop focusing on Iraq and get rid of Ahmadinejad.
Many teachers ask the question: What would you tell so-and-so to improve? Well, here is my answer: Ahmadinejad, get the hell out of our country, and die.
As usual, if you have opinions on this topic, please comment.
Chag Sameach everyone!

Sick To My Stomach

2007-09-23T12:58:00.000-04:00

Ugh.....You know, fasting is really not my thing. Yesterday was Yom Kippur, which ranks under the Top 3 Most Important Holidays in The Jewish Calendar. It also probably ranks number one under Top 2 Most Important Fasts. It is the day that G-d signs the final verdict and will decide whether we will live or die in the coming year.
What does this all have to do with me? I'm not 13 yet, I don't have to fast, why the hell do I care? Ah, but here is the snag: I do have to fast. You see, my father made up some crazy custom that I should fast three fasts before my Bar Mitzvah, "to get some practice." So I was stuck in our synagogue all day (and I mean this literally,) praying, hungry and thirsty.
Also, listen to the Rosh Hashana Girl at http://roshhashanahgirl.com/. Totally weird: a soft rock version about Rosh Hashana. Wacko.

Games, Games, Games

2007-09-18T19:35:00.000-04:00

My best friend Jacob spend a lot of our free time playing online computer games. In a recent skirmish between my mother and me, a very nice game, MapleStory (http://www.nexon.net/), was deleted from my computer, and I was subsequently forbidden from downloading any games, because that was what I was doing in all my spare time.
A couple of months later (namely, a week and a half ago,) my bloved internet crashed, and my computer lost its connection. My mother, in her newly found kindness, lets me use her computer to do my research, update my Facebook (c) (http://www,facebook.com/), and post more blogs. In turn for being such a good boy (woof! woof!), my mother let me download a new game, with even better graphics, called Flyff (http://www.flyff.gpotato.com/). I am now able to play games once again, but with limited time. (I was always good at bargaining.)

Hmm....I Did WHAT?!?!

2007-09-12T17:06:00.000-04:00

As the Jewish new year approaches (and I mean in about two hours!), I think it best that I post this entry.
The Jewish new year is a solemn time for us, and is, in my unprofessional and humble opinion, is also quite depressing. You see, on this day, G-d judges and writes us either in the Book of Life or the Book of Death, and on Yom Kippur, which is ten days after the new year, G-d signs the final verdict for each of us.
This is also a time for asking for forgiveness from one's friend. Therefor, I wish to ask for forgiveness from everyone who reads this blog, and forgive me for anything I might have done to wrong, insult, or embarress you.
Shana Tova! Happy New Year! K'tivah V'Chatima Tova! See you next year!

And the Library is Supposed to be.........Quiet?

2007-08-30T14:14:00.000-04:00

As a twelve-year-old, the Brooklyn Public Library (http://www.brooklynpubliclibrary.org/) offers me a summer volunteer job called a Book Buddy, who aids the patrons and helps manage activities. This job, starting in July, is now over. Our boss, or mentor (her official title) gave us a party as thanks for all the help we gave her. Ah, this is a party I will never forget: Andrew and his coolness (check out his new haircut!), Amanda, and all her weird stories, of which I will not mention at the risk of my sanity, Gerri and Ryan, for talking about their soap Opera, Passions, and Lisa and Catherine, for their quietness, despite the insanity that was all around them. Yes, two hours of non-stop jokes and fun really did good to me.
In addition to this little bash, which was held in the upper floor of our library, a place for the workers to get a little respite from the craziness of their jobs; a place from which we were banned (a story for another time), we each received certificates and notes stating how many hours, which we can use for credits or for community service for school!
Good luck in school, everybody! See you next year!

Hello Everyone!

2007-08-28T19:58:00.000-04:00

Hello everyone! This is my brand new blog, created after a long day in a park with my best friend. (I have to say, when Google advesrtises to be able to create a blog in two minutes, they weren't kidding!)
I know that most people my age have a Myspace (c) or a Facebook (c), my parents, in all their annoying glory, refuse to let me make one, for a number of reasons. I guess a blog, with all the similarities, yet also a creative outlet for writing (one of the things at which I am genuinely good at) is somewhat safer.
I hope you enjoy reading this, and please feel free to post comments! Also, please visit my father's personal website at http://www.jbaltz.com/ or his blog http://jbaltz.com/weblog.
Have fun!