My Year In Words

As the end of the year approaches, I have begun to think about everything I have done--the good, and the bad. So here it is, everyone: Amram D. Altzman's complete year in one blog entry.
January started off like it always does--school and some snow. Those of us New Yorkers know that we really don't get much snow around here. There was my New Year's party, which I had my best friend, Jacob, and his two brothers sleep over. We played video games, played with our Yu-Gi-Oh! cards, stayed up 'til one in the morning--the typical slumber party.
On March 10th, there was my twelfth birthday. Nothing special there, the important stuff is next year at my Bar Mitzvah. If memory preserves, Jacob slept over, and that was pretty much it. And life continues on.
In June, school ended. This is probably one the higher points of my year. There was nothing but parties, with the exception of an assembly. This took twenty minutes to say that we should be good Jews, where kippot and tzitzit, etc.
Ah, the summer breeze! I am at the library as a volunteer, and this is a summer I will never forget. At this point, I wish to bid all of my fellow Book Buddies a happy Holidays. For more on the fun, fun, fun of the summer see the blog entry entitled "And the Library is Supposed to be.........Quiet?".
And school starts of a school at the Yeshivah of Flatbush, things got back into routine. And I found out that there is school on New Years. My grades are good, as they always are, and today i got an 80 in Lashon, which, by the way, is an insanely good mark for Mrs. Levine.
Now, it is Erev Christmas, and I have just recapped my entire year in a bunch of short paragraphs. Happy Holidays everyone!

Goldilocks and the Tomato Sauce

Goldilocks is a little girl who loves pizza. One fine, summer day, she was making anchovy pizza for lunch when she ran out of tomato sauce. Goldilocks decided she would go to the Bear residence on Ocean Parkway to borrow some tomato sauce. Goldilocks often baby-sat little Baby Bear, and she did not think the Bear family would mind.
She rang the doorbell, but there was no one home. Since Goldilocks was good friends with the Bear family, she decided there would be no harm done if she just snuck in and retrieved some tomato sauce from the kitchen. After all, what are friends for?
Goldilocks went into the kitchen—to the kitchen, where the tomato sauce was, when something her eye—fresh oatmeal! This was Goldilocks’ favorite breakfast, rivaling only cold pizza that she made the night before. She knew Papa and Mama Bear both liked their oatmeal at extreme temperatures, hot and cold respectively, but Baby Bear’s was just perfect in every way.
After eating a whole bowl of oatmeal, Goldilocks got tired. After all, doesn’t hot milk make you tired? Thus, she went upstairs to the bedroom and took a nice late morning nap.
Goldilocks awoke to the angry growl of Papa Bear. They carted her off to court, and sued her for breaking and entering. The judge, Howard M. Taftson, was angry about the recent budget cut, and therefore not in the mood for a prolonged trial, and let Goldilocks off the hook. The Bear family forgave her, and she lived happily ever after.

Torah Study Saved My Life

The last month was a banner month for our family: first a regurgitating toilet in our basement, followed by our fridge breaking down on Thanksgiving, and then the sink in our bathroom breaking. Then, finally, on 12/1/2007, was the worst of them all: my house was broken into. Here, as always, is the story.
It was Saturday night, and we were at a parent-child learning program which is held at my shul (synagogue), where we were--yes, you guessed it--learning Torah. At eight o'clock, when we returned, we found my father's office torn apart, with the contents of the fire-proof box he kept in his office spilled on the floor. In addition to that, my parents bedroom looked like a hurricane just went through it, with clothes strewn across the floor, and my mom's jewelry was missing.
The police were called, and we established that the robbers entered through a window that was displaced, and not broken, then left through a back door in our basement.
Flatly refusing to go to bed from fear, I stayed up until the detective arrived. He looked over the affected areas, found glove prints (so there was no real evidence) and, when touring through my father's office for clues, found a bag filled with most of my mom's jewelry in it.
The life-saving part of the story was that I had planned to stay home by myself and do some writing, but my parents convinced me to go. Instead, I went to study Torah. So yes, Torah study did indeed save my life. From this story, I can assess three things: G-d has a very messed up sense of humor, someone out there, probably also G-d is trying to say "Booga booga," and, hey, you know, sometimes parents are right.
As, always, your comments and aksed of and accepted, as I want to know about my readers' opinions on this.

Something To Think About....Something To Drink About

This year, in the screw-up of a school that I unfortunately attend, they have decided to have school on New Years. Why, you ask? For many reasons: The first of which is that New Years has some association with Christianity, but people--wake up! New Years has been adopted as a SECULAR HOLIDAY: there is no reason in that regard that we should not celebrate it. However, there is a second reason: last year, a group of high school kids got drunk. (Now you understand why I gave this entry that specific name.)
Now, the second reason is much more serious matter but I am not ready to give up my vacation for the (borrowing one of my teacher's terms,) "stupidies" of those idiot high schoolers.
I have tried petitioning, but to no avail. I feel that you should not have school on New Years, simply because, well, I want a day of vacation to stay up late and have fun with friends. If the school is going to be in session and it interferes with my partying then I say "NO WAY DAMMIT!"
As always, please post your comments.

Politics, Sports, and Other Mishugas

At my school, the Yeshivah of Flatbush (http://www.flatbush.org/), the world revolves around teams: At this time, it is football. Spring, it's baseball--you get the idea. However, some of us true geniuses, have decided to discuss politics. It involves morning debates on Giuliani, Thompson, Obama and Clinton (BOOO!). My friend, who asks for a certain amount of anonymity, and I have decided that Clinton, who hates Jews with burning passion, would make the Jews' situation worse--as if that is what we need.
Obama is also has mental issues--he hasn't paid his taxes in FIVE YEARS. In a recent interview, he said "I have not broken the law, I have merely failed to adhere to it."
Thompson is an actor--that really is a key trait for a president, so that he can cover everything up and not tell people the truth. Yeah, why the hell shuold important people like the president tell simple idiots like us the truth?
Giuliani, too, was asked to run because of his admirable display of responsibility, authority, and understanding on 9/11. He is also for abortion, and, unfortunately, gay marriages. Nevertheless, he seems to be the best candidate.
Please post your comments about your opinions on this crucial topic. We wouldn't want another loser for a president, now would we?

Ahmadinejad in America?!?

What is this? Ahmadinejad, sworn Jew hater, has arrived in New York and spoke at Columbia University yesterday, and plans to visit Ground Zero, the place where the great Twin Towers once stood.
What is wrong with this, you ask me? I'll tell you what's wrong: He wants to destroy Israel, and possibly eradicate the Jews in the process for a bonus. He plans to visit Ground Zero, and this could mean another 9/11.
The worst part about this whole to-do is that Bush lets this serial murderer into our country, when he made all the B.S. about Iran having nuclear weapons. So, why do he and the United Nations embrace this guy with open arms? I don't know. But I do know that Ahmadinejad is a Jew hater, Holocaust denier, and will most likely be on the people that start World War III.
This world is going to the dogs. I, as one of the next generation, beseech everyone to do their best to keep the world from being destroyed. Yes, that means that Bush may have to stop focusing on Iraq and get rid of Ahmadinejad.
Many teachers ask the question: What would you tell so-and-so to improve? Well, here is my answer: Ahmadinejad, get the hell out of our country, and die.
As usual, if you have opinions on this topic, please comment.
Chag Sameach everyone!

Sick To My Stomach

Ugh.....You know, fasting is really not my thing. Yesterday was Yom Kippur, which ranks under the Top 3 Most Important Holidays in The Jewish Calendar. It also probably ranks number one under Top 2 Most Important Fasts. It is the day that G-d signs the final verdict and will decide whether we will live or die in the coming year.
What does this all have to do with me? I'm not 13 yet, I don't have to fast, why the hell do I care? Ah, but here is the snag: I do have to fast. You see, my father made up some crazy custom that I should fast three fasts before my Bar Mitzvah, "to get some practice." So I was stuck in our synagogue all day (and I mean this literally,) praying, hungry and thirsty.
Also, listen to the Rosh Hashana Girl at http://roshhashanahgirl.com/. Totally weird: a soft rock version about Rosh Hashana. Wacko.

Games, Games, Games

My best friend Jacob spend a lot of our free time playing online computer games. In a recent skirmish between my mother and me, a very nice game, MapleStory (http://www.nexon.net/), was deleted from my computer, and I was subsequently forbidden from downloading any games, because that was what I was doing in all my spare time.
A couple of months later (namely, a week and a half ago,) my bloved internet crashed, and my computer lost its connection. My mother, in her newly found kindness, lets me use her computer to do my research, update my Facebook (c) (http://www,facebook.com/), and post more blogs. In turn for being such a good boy (woof! woof!), my mother let me download a new game, with even better graphics, called Flyff (http://www.flyff.gpotato.com/). I am now able to play games once again, but with limited time. (I was always good at bargaining.)

Hmm....I Did WHAT?!?!

As the Jewish new year approaches (and I mean in about two hours!), I think it best that I post this entry.
The Jewish new year is a solemn time for us, and is, in my unprofessional and humble opinion, is also quite depressing. You see, on this day, G-d judges and writes us either in the Book of Life or the Book of Death, and on Yom Kippur, which is ten days after the new year, G-d signs the final verdict for each of us.
This is also a time for asking for forgiveness from one's friend. Therefor, I wish to ask for forgiveness from everyone who reads this blog, and forgive me for anything I might have done to wrong, insult, or embarress you.
Shana Tova! Happy New Year! K'tivah V'Chatima Tova! See you next year!

And the Library is Supposed to be.........Quiet?

As a twelve-year-old, the Brooklyn Public Library (http://www.brooklynpubliclibrary.org/) offers me a summer volunteer job called a Book Buddy, who aids the patrons and helps manage activities. This job, starting in July, is now over. Our boss, or mentor (her official title) gave us a party as thanks for all the help we gave her. Ah, this is a party I will never forget: Andrew and his coolness (check out his new haircut!), Amanda, and all her weird stories, of which I will not mention at the risk of my sanity, Gerri and Ryan, for talking about their soap Opera, Passions, and Lisa and Catherine, for their quietness, despite the insanity that was all around them. Yes, two hours of non-stop jokes and fun really did good to me.
In addition to this little bash, which was held in the upper floor of our library, a place for the workers to get a little respite from the craziness of their jobs; a place from which we were banned (a story for another time), we each received certificates and notes stating how many hours, which we can use for credits or for community service for school!
Good luck in school, everybody! See you next year!

Hello Everyone!

Hello everyone! This is my brand new blog, created after a long day in a park with my best friend. (I have to say, when Google advesrtises to be able to create a blog in two minutes, they weren't kidding!)
I know that most people my age have a Myspace (c) or a Facebook (c), my parents, in all their annoying glory, refuse to let me make one, for a number of reasons. I guess a blog, with all the similarities, yet also a creative outlet for writing (one of the things at which I am genuinely good at) is somewhat safer.
I hope you enjoy reading this, and please feel free to post comments! Also, please visit my father's personal website at http://www.jbaltz.com/ or his blog http://jbaltz.com/weblog.
Have fun!